I was going through the bloggers contest in intranet of Wipro and the contest was named “Empower girls”. People had their own thoughts that if women or girls should be educated , then they would become empowered, providing them decision making powers would make them empowered, some also claimed that modern day women is already empowered and lets may be talk about village girls in this regard.
Some also showed their anger saying women’s day should not be celebrated as girls should not be given any special treatment. All was accepted as it was right to express their views. But I believe when a girl has to get married she would say “In whatever 21st century I live, however educated I may be, I am still not empowered.”
According to me girls would be empowered when:
Empowerment to me (as a girl) is when my husband would come to my place after the wedding and not me going to my in-laws place. I don’t want to live alone also, but you should shift to my home forever. Empower us with the right to live with my family forever.
The guy’s family take the entire cost of the wedding and make us feel that we the women are empowered. It should be the guy’s family who should save in fortunes to get their son married. Well I wouldn’t mind if you want to give dowry too. J
When a couple is blessed with baby, it should be the man who should take a break from the career for few years to do the baby sitting and not the women. If that happens, I would say women are empowered. I have the courage to be the only earning member in the family to support my entire family.
When I come back from office, I want to throw my shoes here and there, and head to the dining table for food which should be delicious enough for me to eat while watching cricket match. If not I should have the empowerment to throw it off on my husband’s face and say “haven’t your parents taught you to cook”?
He should look into the kitchen and decide what the groceries to be bought are and I wouldn’t mind paying the bills which he would hand it over to me as everything is done online these days. In such a case I would call that women are empowered.Empowerment is when he should be worried when maid do not turn up as he has to do all the work, right from sweeping, washing utensils and also the clothes if required.
I should have the empowerment to party out suddenly one day and give a call and say “I am having a night out party tonight, don’t wait for me, you have your dinner”. I do not want to think if he had already cooked something, or how long he has been waiting for me. I want the empowerment not to think emotionally about anything. I can buy a diamond ring or a new blackberry as an apology to make him happy for any mistake that I would have done and made him angry.
And last but not the least; I would say girls are empowered when people should say “behind every successful woman, there is a man”.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Hate to be in hypocritical world
I have seen guys scanning the list to see who will be in theirs cabs while travelling. I used to wonder are they mad, but today I understood because some unique people travelled with me. No unique would be wrong but weirdo would be better I believe.
First of all, people know that rules are meant to be broken. The rule says during the pick, employees should reach the nodal point and there cab will pick them. The lady in the cab instructed the driver to take a right turn, driver snapped back “madam for nodal point I have to go straight”. I admired his sense of his duty, but the lady started giving clearance that her home is nearer than what we would have to travel to nodal point. The driver had to give up and did as she said.
Topics #1
Soon another lady boarded the cab and their gossips started. They seemed not just colleague, but knew each other as family friends. The second lady began, “how was the function at home?” and the hypocritical talks began “oh it was really good “and she pointed towards a bag in front of her and said “Sweets” and gave a grinning smile with a comment “I hate sweets, but my home is full of them”. Second lady snapped “I hate them too; she wasn’t slim and trim either.
I am not offending the looks of an individual but the contradicting statements in comparison to their heavy weights were irritating.
Topic #2
They began discussing about someone having cancer and fat lady says “you know I feel, mercy killing is better as I have heard last stages of cancer are painful and my mom was telling the treatments also cost huge these days”. Second lady added “yes there was someone in our neighborhood, who spent 15 lakhs and yet it was unsuccessful, so spending on treatments is fully waste these days”. And then fat lady said “on the day when my brother was getting engaged, his best friend died. He was getting calls from him and he rejected it, and soon he received a messaged saying he was dead because he had stroke. His friend was in a party and felt something wrong and drove to hospital himself and he was found dead in hospital parking”.
I was fully shocked by their talks on death and the value they gave to human life. All these were the just the topics of gossips for them.
Topics #3
Soon the happy topic began. The fat lady was like “you know what? My bhabi’s family gave me necklace, with beads and a dollar, it was so pretty and also gave a necklace set to my mother“. But my father was saying, we would have to return the double of what they are giving us now. We have already given gold worth 3 lakhs during roka and engagement and have to give around 7 lakhs during the wedding” and second lady began “wedding these days have become so expensive, but that’s also a necessity”. Fat lady started “but I always feel diamonds and silver is better. I don’t like to wear gold you see”
I wanted to stop her and say “15 lakhs to save a human life was wastage for you and spending the same bloody lakhs of money on jewelry and dresses is a necessity? Whoaaa, salute to such hypocrisy”
Topic # 4
Topic changed. They were moving from one topic to another faster than it happens in movies. Fat lady had shown some photos in her blackberry and second lady asked “you are not seen”. “I was the one who clicked” replied the fat lady and continued “you know what? My boutique had spoilt my dress, it was so loose”. “But you took my boutique’s number from me; you did go to them” said the second lady. Fat lady said “no I was already given the material so late after weaving, so I told the people from where I bought to stitch also and they completely spoilt it, even after altering it, it was loose for me”.
The modern day word for tailor shop is boutique. The tailor at the end of the street would have stitched it better than the costly boutique of yours. But one has to pay for hypocrisy. Nothing comes free in today’s world.
Topic # 5
Second lady politely asked “when is the wedding?” and my fat lady began “it is in February, but we have a big thing to do before that –SHIFTING OF HOME”. Second lady asked “oh is it”. And first lady continued “you know it’s in 13th floor and my bhabi was so scared when I told her because she had seen some ghost movie, related to thirteenth floor. And I would be shifting along with my brother, after their wedding. I was telling him, you would need your time with your wife, but he don’t agree at all”
13th floor , high floored buildings are the style statements of such people and miss fat lady, ‘you better ask you bhabi , as she would need the freedom from you after the wedding or the time won’t be too late after wedding when she might throw you out from the 13th floor soon’.
Topic #6
Second lady asked “does your brother know that you smoke as you are going to shift with him?” The fat lady replied “I have smoked in front of him during parties and birthdays, not frequently, but he knows that I do”. You know, there is a live live-in couple who live below the flat we currently live, and one day both of them were smoking the same cigarette and my brother was making fun of me, I hope you also don’t do that ways?” “You know the society won’t change, even now if a woman smoked, people stare at you so badly”. Second lady nodded with agreement.
Working in a multinational company, it is assumed that they must be somewhat educated people. But I would choose to call these people “EDUCATED ILLITERATE”. People stare at you because we want to live in literate society.
Soon the cab stopped and I was glad. I got down as soon as possible to get out of the hypocritical world to grab some breathe, and alaaas what do I notice “ they got down and moved ahead as if they never knew each other”. I smiled at this, as I was shocked and didn’t know what the right response was!
And I would surely check who would be in my cab from next time and would pray to miss such cabs which are filled with such weird people to travel.
First of all, people know that rules are meant to be broken. The rule says during the pick, employees should reach the nodal point and there cab will pick them. The lady in the cab instructed the driver to take a right turn, driver snapped back “madam for nodal point I have to go straight”. I admired his sense of his duty, but the lady started giving clearance that her home is nearer than what we would have to travel to nodal point. The driver had to give up and did as she said.
Topics #1
Soon another lady boarded the cab and their gossips started. They seemed not just colleague, but knew each other as family friends. The second lady began, “how was the function at home?” and the hypocritical talks began “oh it was really good “and she pointed towards a bag in front of her and said “Sweets” and gave a grinning smile with a comment “I hate sweets, but my home is full of them”. Second lady snapped “I hate them too; she wasn’t slim and trim either.
I am not offending the looks of an individual but the contradicting statements in comparison to their heavy weights were irritating.
Topic #2
They began discussing about someone having cancer and fat lady says “you know I feel, mercy killing is better as I have heard last stages of cancer are painful and my mom was telling the treatments also cost huge these days”. Second lady added “yes there was someone in our neighborhood, who spent 15 lakhs and yet it was unsuccessful, so spending on treatments is fully waste these days”. And then fat lady said “on the day when my brother was getting engaged, his best friend died. He was getting calls from him and he rejected it, and soon he received a messaged saying he was dead because he had stroke. His friend was in a party and felt something wrong and drove to hospital himself and he was found dead in hospital parking”.
I was fully shocked by their talks on death and the value they gave to human life. All these were the just the topics of gossips for them.
Topics #3
Soon the happy topic began. The fat lady was like “you know what? My bhabi’s family gave me necklace, with beads and a dollar, it was so pretty and also gave a necklace set to my mother“. But my father was saying, we would have to return the double of what they are giving us now. We have already given gold worth 3 lakhs during roka and engagement and have to give around 7 lakhs during the wedding” and second lady began “wedding these days have become so expensive, but that’s also a necessity”. Fat lady started “but I always feel diamonds and silver is better. I don’t like to wear gold you see”
I wanted to stop her and say “15 lakhs to save a human life was wastage for you and spending the same bloody lakhs of money on jewelry and dresses is a necessity? Whoaaa, salute to such hypocrisy”
Topic # 4
Topic changed. They were moving from one topic to another faster than it happens in movies. Fat lady had shown some photos in her blackberry and second lady asked “you are not seen”. “I was the one who clicked” replied the fat lady and continued “you know what? My boutique had spoilt my dress, it was so loose”. “But you took my boutique’s number from me; you did go to them” said the second lady. Fat lady said “no I was already given the material so late after weaving, so I told the people from where I bought to stitch also and they completely spoilt it, even after altering it, it was loose for me”.
The modern day word for tailor shop is boutique. The tailor at the end of the street would have stitched it better than the costly boutique of yours. But one has to pay for hypocrisy. Nothing comes free in today’s world.
Topic # 5
Second lady politely asked “when is the wedding?” and my fat lady began “it is in February, but we have a big thing to do before that –SHIFTING OF HOME”. Second lady asked “oh is it”. And first lady continued “you know it’s in 13th floor and my bhabi was so scared when I told her because she had seen some ghost movie, related to thirteenth floor. And I would be shifting along with my brother, after their wedding. I was telling him, you would need your time with your wife, but he don’t agree at all”
13th floor , high floored buildings are the style statements of such people and miss fat lady, ‘you better ask you bhabi , as she would need the freedom from you after the wedding or the time won’t be too late after wedding when she might throw you out from the 13th floor soon’.
Topic #6
Second lady asked “does your brother know that you smoke as you are going to shift with him?” The fat lady replied “I have smoked in front of him during parties and birthdays, not frequently, but he knows that I do”. You know, there is a live live-in couple who live below the flat we currently live, and one day both of them were smoking the same cigarette and my brother was making fun of me, I hope you also don’t do that ways?” “You know the society won’t change, even now if a woman smoked, people stare at you so badly”. Second lady nodded with agreement.
Working in a multinational company, it is assumed that they must be somewhat educated people. But I would choose to call these people “EDUCATED ILLITERATE”. People stare at you because we want to live in literate society.
Soon the cab stopped and I was glad. I got down as soon as possible to get out of the hypocritical world to grab some breathe, and alaaas what do I notice “ they got down and moved ahead as if they never knew each other”. I smiled at this, as I was shocked and didn’t know what the right response was!
And I would surely check who would be in my cab from next time and would pray to miss such cabs which are filled with such weird people to travel.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Watch yourself because some one is watching you!
I got down from the cab, with the tag around my neck, and people were looking like I was from some management college, and trying to make the guess which college leaves students so late. I remembered, a bio metric system was placed in college to record the attendance, and students took all efforts to break that. I never understood the reason, but chewing gums were put in the bio-metric machines to spoil them. At times, the glass was broken using sharp things while trying to put the attendance. I used to wonder why?
30 minutes was left, I left early to complete some work in another building of the office, and catch the cab on time. It so happened that work got over much earlier than expected. I decided not to go back to seat and decided to explore the office. It was a year before that I had reached the Chennai office, 30 minutes before the induction was to begin. I entered the training room and trainer said, you are 30 minutes early. I was kid out of college, who was very punctual, looked and smiled and said “I am sorry, as I am new to the place; I preferred to start early, to avoid any kinds of delays”. He was still engrossed in his laptop, looked up and said “you can go and catch up breakfast, if you want”. Well I wanted to say I had already had, but I found it would be exciting to explore campus rather than to sit and talk to this trainer.
Well reaching much before time, is a problem which I face even now. After exploring the new campus today after being transferred to GNDC location, I finally went and sat at the reception, as I had to swipe out to record my attendance. My eyes were at the swipe out machine and I found very amusing to see people to perform that activity.
A person came and hit the identity card in the swipe out machine in the in-side, which is always on the left side of the machine. I was trying to understand the attitude and thoughts of the individual by the way he used the tag and identity card in the recording machine. No doubt that frustration was reflected, as he was swiping in when people were swiping out. It’s normal in Wipro, a place where life goes on 24hours of the day. In my bay also, by the time people come in, it’s time for me to leave. I hardly say a bye to people there, they might find that I am not social, but I feel, they would feel bad that I am leaving when their day is yet to start. At times few of them who would come early, would ask at what time you come and leave, and when I would reply, their responses have been same “ lucky yaar” .
I continued to watch people to judge their attitude now, more with passion rather than casual observation. One person lifted card from bottom, turning it upside down, swiped out. I wondered, what would upside down mean? May be he is an analyst who would analyze the situation upside down and take the decisions, and no doubt the red color of the tag(signifies that he had been Wipro for more than 5 years), proved my observation.
Another person came, and looked into his card, maybe he read his name and saw if his card looked ohk and swiped out. He confirms things before doing any work. Perfect supervisor he would make, I wondered.
Well the activity was faster than I was analyzing. Another person covered the card fully within his hands and swiped the machined. I wondered if he is a kind who would give complete protection to his wife, kids and parents. Giving them a back-up support.
Another person came and took the card, holding at the two sides, as if he is displaying that he from CBI and have come for some interrogation swiped at the machine. I smiled, but felt good. He felt proud of himself and him being a part of the organization. A person who would do the work and take the credit.
Another person didn’t hold the card, but the top, at the tag. I couldn’t resist smiling. The person behaved as if the card was from untouchable cast and he is not supposed to touch it. I analyzed,he was still conservative in thought process and looked down upon people may be.
Last came a gang of girls, who started searching their identity cards, one was hanging it at the back of her jeans, another was vigorously searching her bag, and another was searching in the dupatta she was wearing. All I could conclude was, they are here in search of their missing identity, which they ever cant find as they still were lost in the worlds of gossip.
So how do you swipe your card? My observations may not be right about the attitude of the person, but you would certainly watch your action, when you would use the swipe recording machine the next time.
30 minutes was left, I left early to complete some work in another building of the office, and catch the cab on time. It so happened that work got over much earlier than expected. I decided not to go back to seat and decided to explore the office. It was a year before that I had reached the Chennai office, 30 minutes before the induction was to begin. I entered the training room and trainer said, you are 30 minutes early. I was kid out of college, who was very punctual, looked and smiled and said “I am sorry, as I am new to the place; I preferred to start early, to avoid any kinds of delays”. He was still engrossed in his laptop, looked up and said “you can go and catch up breakfast, if you want”. Well I wanted to say I had already had, but I found it would be exciting to explore campus rather than to sit and talk to this trainer.
Well reaching much before time, is a problem which I face even now. After exploring the new campus today after being transferred to GNDC location, I finally went and sat at the reception, as I had to swipe out to record my attendance. My eyes were at the swipe out machine and I found very amusing to see people to perform that activity.
A person came and hit the identity card in the swipe out machine in the in-side, which is always on the left side of the machine. I was trying to understand the attitude and thoughts of the individual by the way he used the tag and identity card in the recording machine. No doubt that frustration was reflected, as he was swiping in when people were swiping out. It’s normal in Wipro, a place where life goes on 24hours of the day. In my bay also, by the time people come in, it’s time for me to leave. I hardly say a bye to people there, they might find that I am not social, but I feel, they would feel bad that I am leaving when their day is yet to start. At times few of them who would come early, would ask at what time you come and leave, and when I would reply, their responses have been same “ lucky yaar” .
I continued to watch people to judge their attitude now, more with passion rather than casual observation. One person lifted card from bottom, turning it upside down, swiped out. I wondered, what would upside down mean? May be he is an analyst who would analyze the situation upside down and take the decisions, and no doubt the red color of the tag(signifies that he had been Wipro for more than 5 years), proved my observation.
Another person came, and looked into his card, maybe he read his name and saw if his card looked ohk and swiped out. He confirms things before doing any work. Perfect supervisor he would make, I wondered.
Well the activity was faster than I was analyzing. Another person covered the card fully within his hands and swiped the machined. I wondered if he is a kind who would give complete protection to his wife, kids and parents. Giving them a back-up support.
Another person came and took the card, holding at the two sides, as if he is displaying that he from CBI and have come for some interrogation swiped at the machine. I smiled, but felt good. He felt proud of himself and him being a part of the organization. A person who would do the work and take the credit.
Another person didn’t hold the card, but the top, at the tag. I couldn’t resist smiling. The person behaved as if the card was from untouchable cast and he is not supposed to touch it. I analyzed,he was still conservative in thought process and looked down upon people may be.
Last came a gang of girls, who started searching their identity cards, one was hanging it at the back of her jeans, another was vigorously searching her bag, and another was searching in the dupatta she was wearing. All I could conclude was, they are here in search of their missing identity, which they ever cant find as they still were lost in the worlds of gossip.
So how do you swipe your card? My observations may not be right about the attitude of the person, but you would certainly watch your action, when you would use the swipe recording machine the next time.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Treat others as you want to be treated
I entered into the new house, people around were smiling. I felt good, yet all new faces. As I entered and saw my suitcase laying the corner, just wondered I am going to be here my life long. Tears were already rolling down my cheeks. Wanted to pick up my luggage, throw inside the car and go back home, the moment thoughts flashed across, I realized, I need to take his permission for using the car as it is HIS car. I went inside the washroom, to cry out loud, when I realized my hand was going to the left side of the door to open it, whereas the latch was at the right.
When I came out, he was sitting in the bed, watching TV. I looked at the TV, he was watching match. One more thing I am not used to, as no one in my family prefers to watch cricket match, till it’s not the match between India and Pakistan.
He looked at me and winked, I weakly smiled back. If it would have been my sister, in his place, immediately she would have screamed back, “ tu rokar aayi hai?, kyun???” but he was unperturbed. Match was more important than my emotions for him. He said without taking his eyes off the TV, everyone has left, what about dinner? I replied “let me go and check what is available in kitchen”.
As soon I entered the kitchen, I looked out of the window, and I looked at the setting sun. I realized this is setting sun of my life too, and thought tomorrow rising sun is going to the rise of the responsibilities. I couldn’t control my tears. I didn’t know what to call this; home sickness or tensions are being released after so many days of functions and series of events. All I knew was nothing was going the way I thought. One thing I realized was, mom had accepted this kitchen as her life and took it up as a challenge to cook new dishes and often I would laugh at mom & dad’s fights, when dad would comment on food cooked by mom saying “not good” or “salt or sugar is less”.
I cooked something manageable. Dal Chawal and some side dish. He didn’t like it, but he managed to say, “Its good”, for the heck of it, and for the sole reason that, any comment could lead him to miss the match. He went back, as he was checking the scores in the mobile while eating too. I hardly ate anything, but he hardly noticed that too because he was far too busy with his blackberry than to notice such things in life.
I went to the room, opened all the suitcases and got my first gift and knew for sure that it had a book, as my colleagues knew it well that my first and last love were books. Of all the gifts, I managed to bring that with me, and keep it safe. And the irony of my life was title of the book was “if you could see me now”, by Cecelia Ahern, I guess this is the last one that I haven’t read from this author, and my friends knew that as well. I laughed at the fate of my life and felt like screaming at him “if you could see me now, I am not happy”. “If you could see me now, I am crying”, “if you could see me now, I left everything for you”, “if you could see me now, I am missing my home” and lots more. But I preferred to keep quiet. I didn’t have any energy to talk.
I took the book out and sat in the sofa to read. Well he didn’t bother to realize I wasn’t in the room, so didn’t I care to be there. But I had always wanted someone who has take it easy attitude, but yet caring and understood my emotions. I don’t know if he did, but all I knew was; now I have to move forward and accept things as it is.
In midst of my thoughts, I never knew when I slept. I am not used to of sleeping without a blanket or jaipuri rajai or atleast a chaddar, so every night, out of habit or necessity , I would go around screaming around my home, who all don’t have chaddar, and give one-one to each and take one for myself and then go to sleep. But when I got up I realized, I slept without one, although I had sensed myself, trembling due to cold at night. But my parents were also not here to come and make sure to switch off the AC thinking it’s too cold. I got up and took few minutes to come back to reality. I looked at the wall at the right to check the time, where wall clock is put at my home, it wasn’t there, I turned towards left and still I could see one, finally I managed to look at the time in the clock behind the sofa.
I wasn’t running short of time, like I used to at my home. The sun had shone so bright that I had to get up early. I opened the door where he was sleeping and he was nicely sleeping inside a cosy blanket. I went near him, and asked slowly” match khatam?, he replied out of sleep “ haan , mumbai won”, I asked again “ office jana hai ya nahi?” , he said “nahi , I am exhausted, subuh 4 baje khatam hua match”, I realized , he had slept an hour back only. I put back his blanket and went out wondering what next?
Suddenly I caught the sight of my mobile, I looked at it, and it was flooding with “congratulations” and “happy married life” messages. I came out to the hall again and read every message one by one, and the last message was from my colleagues read “We would miss you in the tour, chatter box”. I looked at time, it was 7.00 AM, their bus for our team outing was at 9.30 pm to Sariska from my office. I thought,I can join them if I leave now. I messaged- I am joining you guys, arrange a seat for me too. I was given call after call, but I didn’t want to miss the bus. I attended one call from Rahul and he shouted“what was that message?” he was my junior but a very good friend at the same time. I got into my Boss mode and shouted “do what I say”.
I ran and got ready, I threw opened my luggage, picked up the cargo pants and shirts. I knew he hates messy room and would fume up when he would get up. So what, even I hate cricket match. When he didn’t care, I believe I shouldn’t care either. I opened the curtains of his room in anger and went to the table and wrote a note “Match will make your breakfast and coffee, going to sariska with friends”. Keep the dinner ready, would come back home, might be late.
I felt all the emotions I had the day before was because of feeling sick to leave everything, I wanted him to feel how I had felt. I went to the door, wondered if I take a metro or auto I would be late. my eyes fell on his car keys. I thought when my life is his, then his car is mine, I picked the keys,banged closed the door behind and reached office and all screamed there looking at me “how come you are here?” I smiled “ bina chatter box ke team enjoy nahi kar sakti laga, so I am here.”
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
When I came out, he was sitting in the bed, watching TV. I looked at the TV, he was watching match. One more thing I am not used to, as no one in my family prefers to watch cricket match, till it’s not the match between India and Pakistan.
He looked at me and winked, I weakly smiled back. If it would have been my sister, in his place, immediately she would have screamed back, “ tu rokar aayi hai?, kyun???” but he was unperturbed. Match was more important than my emotions for him. He said without taking his eyes off the TV, everyone has left, what about dinner? I replied “let me go and check what is available in kitchen”.
As soon I entered the kitchen, I looked out of the window, and I looked at the setting sun. I realized this is setting sun of my life too, and thought tomorrow rising sun is going to the rise of the responsibilities. I couldn’t control my tears. I didn’t know what to call this; home sickness or tensions are being released after so many days of functions and series of events. All I knew was nothing was going the way I thought. One thing I realized was, mom had accepted this kitchen as her life and took it up as a challenge to cook new dishes and often I would laugh at mom & dad’s fights, when dad would comment on food cooked by mom saying “not good” or “salt or sugar is less”.
I cooked something manageable. Dal Chawal and some side dish. He didn’t like it, but he managed to say, “Its good”, for the heck of it, and for the sole reason that, any comment could lead him to miss the match. He went back, as he was checking the scores in the mobile while eating too. I hardly ate anything, but he hardly noticed that too because he was far too busy with his blackberry than to notice such things in life.
I went to the room, opened all the suitcases and got my first gift and knew for sure that it had a book, as my colleagues knew it well that my first and last love were books. Of all the gifts, I managed to bring that with me, and keep it safe. And the irony of my life was title of the book was “if you could see me now”, by Cecelia Ahern, I guess this is the last one that I haven’t read from this author, and my friends knew that as well. I laughed at the fate of my life and felt like screaming at him “if you could see me now, I am not happy”. “If you could see me now, I am crying”, “if you could see me now, I left everything for you”, “if you could see me now, I am missing my home” and lots more. But I preferred to keep quiet. I didn’t have any energy to talk.
I took the book out and sat in the sofa to read. Well he didn’t bother to realize I wasn’t in the room, so didn’t I care to be there. But I had always wanted someone who has take it easy attitude, but yet caring and understood my emotions. I don’t know if he did, but all I knew was; now I have to move forward and accept things as it is.
In midst of my thoughts, I never knew when I slept. I am not used to of sleeping without a blanket or jaipuri rajai or atleast a chaddar, so every night, out of habit or necessity , I would go around screaming around my home, who all don’t have chaddar, and give one-one to each and take one for myself and then go to sleep. But when I got up I realized, I slept without one, although I had sensed myself, trembling due to cold at night. But my parents were also not here to come and make sure to switch off the AC thinking it’s too cold. I got up and took few minutes to come back to reality. I looked at the wall at the right to check the time, where wall clock is put at my home, it wasn’t there, I turned towards left and still I could see one, finally I managed to look at the time in the clock behind the sofa.
I wasn’t running short of time, like I used to at my home. The sun had shone so bright that I had to get up early. I opened the door where he was sleeping and he was nicely sleeping inside a cosy blanket. I went near him, and asked slowly” match khatam?, he replied out of sleep “ haan , mumbai won”, I asked again “ office jana hai ya nahi?” , he said “nahi , I am exhausted, subuh 4 baje khatam hua match”, I realized , he had slept an hour back only. I put back his blanket and went out wondering what next?
Suddenly I caught the sight of my mobile, I looked at it, and it was flooding with “congratulations” and “happy married life” messages. I came out to the hall again and read every message one by one, and the last message was from my colleagues read “We would miss you in the tour, chatter box”. I looked at time, it was 7.00 AM, their bus for our team outing was at 9.30 pm to Sariska from my office. I thought,I can join them if I leave now. I messaged- I am joining you guys, arrange a seat for me too. I was given call after call, but I didn’t want to miss the bus. I attended one call from Rahul and he shouted“what was that message?” he was my junior but a very good friend at the same time. I got into my Boss mode and shouted “do what I say”.
I ran and got ready, I threw opened my luggage, picked up the cargo pants and shirts. I knew he hates messy room and would fume up when he would get up. So what, even I hate cricket match. When he didn’t care, I believe I shouldn’t care either. I opened the curtains of his room in anger and went to the table and wrote a note “Match will make your breakfast and coffee, going to sariska with friends”. Keep the dinner ready, would come back home, might be late.
I felt all the emotions I had the day before was because of feeling sick to leave everything, I wanted him to feel how I had felt. I went to the door, wondered if I take a metro or auto I would be late. my eyes fell on his car keys. I thought when my life is his, then his car is mine, I picked the keys,banged closed the door behind and reached office and all screamed there looking at me “how come you are here?” I smiled “ bina chatter box ke team enjoy nahi kar sakti laga, so I am here.”
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Rules are meant to be broken
I used to be very fond of reading the casual observations blogs posted by people in Wipro blogspot. It used to be funny. I used to wonder “ Aisa bhi hota hoga?”. Par my doubts got confirmed after joining at GNDC. Fortunately or unfortunately, don’t know what would be the right word, I can’t open the ChannelW Blogs from office, don’t know why. But that lead me to start observing people.
More than a week it is in GNDC office and I had to write my observations. People get dressed as if they are going to a disc, like hot chic babes, sorry for the languages, but that’s to give the real description. Guys are no less, they come with their chappals. I found a girl hanging her ID at the back of her jeans, I felt like pulling it off, jaise pocket maarte hain, and felt that would be really amusing, but soon realized I am supposed to maintain my decency.
We all come to office to work, as professionals, but people here haven’t got out of their college mode.
Day before when I was in the cab, a young guy, thankfully he looked like a professional, had joined Wipro recently (may be that’s why he looked professional, soon he would change too) and another elderly person who have been in Wipro for more than five years (his RED Id tag proved that), we all started discussing about Chennai and Delhi. All were somehow related to Chennai, I am chennaiite, Mr. Elderly had done his schooling and college from Chennai and Mr. Young has been to Chennai on short official visits. Mr. young described, “hum ek baar Ladkiyan taadne(In Tamil, site addikka) nikle Chennai me, ……and me and another girl, unknown to us, sitting the cab, busted out laughing.
Well I don’t know where I got the affinity for Chennai, which I never had, after my one year stay at Chennai, said, “But people there are simple, no show off, their dressing sense is all very different”. And Mr. Elderly supported me and my Mr. Young replied, why don’t people try to revolutionize things and change it? I gave him a sharp look and said “it’s not Chennai that has to be revolutionized, rather it’s Delhi that has to be changed, and that’s why I am here”. It’s a part of my job. He gulped, it should have been me, because I am here to make impossible, possible. He grinned at me and said “Best of Luck”. I better knew, that it was indeed required.
I am sorry but I have been noticing only girls, but couldn’t take my eyes off them too. So what do I observe, coming out of a team ,where no one was motivated enough to put a kajal also , seeing people with so much of make-up, gave me little shocks. But I reassured myself saying, I was a part of this world an year before, I survived and was successful, that’s the reason I am back here, saying I can manage.
But at the same time, I also was threatened, don’t change yourself, you have to change others and I have been given ultimate back up support on that ground, to change others, so that I don’t change.
Of all the things, I met one of the colleague, I greeted him, “how are you? He replied, was really politely “I forget where I met you earlier?” I smiled and said, “I was a part of the meeting last Thursday”…he sighed….”aaahhh, your dressing style was very different that day”……I wondered how, I was in black kurta and today I was in pink…, I smiled to myself, thinking I have no response on this!
I deviated from observations and landed up somewhere else. Anyways one thing i realized was Delhiite’s follow one policy absolutely right “RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN”
More than a week it is in GNDC office and I had to write my observations. People get dressed as if they are going to a disc, like hot chic babes, sorry for the languages, but that’s to give the real description. Guys are no less, they come with their chappals. I found a girl hanging her ID at the back of her jeans, I felt like pulling it off, jaise pocket maarte hain, and felt that would be really amusing, but soon realized I am supposed to maintain my decency.
We all come to office to work, as professionals, but people here haven’t got out of their college mode.
Day before when I was in the cab, a young guy, thankfully he looked like a professional, had joined Wipro recently (may be that’s why he looked professional, soon he would change too) and another elderly person who have been in Wipro for more than five years (his RED Id tag proved that), we all started discussing about Chennai and Delhi. All were somehow related to Chennai, I am chennaiite, Mr. Elderly had done his schooling and college from Chennai and Mr. Young has been to Chennai on short official visits. Mr. young described, “hum ek baar Ladkiyan taadne(In Tamil, site addikka) nikle Chennai me, ……and me and another girl, unknown to us, sitting the cab, busted out laughing.
Well I don’t know where I got the affinity for Chennai, which I never had, after my one year stay at Chennai, said, “But people there are simple, no show off, their dressing sense is all very different”. And Mr. Elderly supported me and my Mr. Young replied, why don’t people try to revolutionize things and change it? I gave him a sharp look and said “it’s not Chennai that has to be revolutionized, rather it’s Delhi that has to be changed, and that’s why I am here”. It’s a part of my job. He gulped, it should have been me, because I am here to make impossible, possible. He grinned at me and said “Best of Luck”. I better knew, that it was indeed required.
I am sorry but I have been noticing only girls, but couldn’t take my eyes off them too. So what do I observe, coming out of a team ,where no one was motivated enough to put a kajal also , seeing people with so much of make-up, gave me little shocks. But I reassured myself saying, I was a part of this world an year before, I survived and was successful, that’s the reason I am back here, saying I can manage.
But at the same time, I also was threatened, don’t change yourself, you have to change others and I have been given ultimate back up support on that ground, to change others, so that I don’t change.
Of all the things, I met one of the colleague, I greeted him, “how are you? He replied, was really politely “I forget where I met you earlier?” I smiled and said, “I was a part of the meeting last Thursday”…he sighed….”aaahhh, your dressing style was very different that day”……I wondered how, I was in black kurta and today I was in pink…, I smiled to myself, thinking I have no response on this!
I deviated from observations and landed up somewhere else. Anyways one thing i realized was Delhiite’s follow one policy absolutely right “RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN”
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Past cant be changed, but the future lies in my hand!
We used to meet once in an year during our college days, I had a habit of looking at his mobile, flipping the messages, photos and ring tones and once his wall paper was a photo of some girl and I freaked out asking “ oye kaun hai yeh?” He said “ Shreya” and with swollen face I said “ hhmmmm” and put back the mobile and kept thinking and then finally I couldn’t resist and asked “ is that your girlfriend in the mobile wallpaper?” he grinned and replied “ Tamil heroine hai”.
I was waiting at the Delhi airport for him. He called and said ship has arrived at Mumbai port and I reached Delhi airport even before he could board his flight from Mumbai to Delhi.
I stood there waiting, when he called and said “ shona just three more hours, I will be there with you”. I replied “ I am already waiting at airport” and we hung up.
As I was waiting I was reminded of the day, when he called and said “ I have cleared the interview for marine engineer, they want me to sign a bond of four years involving few trips and start my journey next week. I said, “Can we meet and talk?” I knew if we would talk more over the phone, it would land up to a fight.
We met at GIP, pind balluchi, I reached directly from office and was in formals. He was somewhere near Noida as a part of marketing cum sales job, so managed to squeeze in time and meet there.
We ordered for food, rather we don’t need to order, the service people would automatically bring, as we had been there for so many times that they would know what we usually order. I was working on the laptop while he kept looking outside the window and when food arrived, I shut it and we started having food. So I started “ haan abhi batao”. He knew I would start and so I did, after all we met to discuss the topic.
He said “ kya bataun? Wohi bataya na, cleared the interview, bas aur kya?” I said, “ so what have you decided?” he looked at me with shock “ decide ka kya hai? I told you pehle hi I am giving interview for interview experience”. Somewhere at heart, we both knew, it was great necessity for him to get a better job. He wanted because he was not satisfied in the current and I wanted because my parents wouldn’t want me to get married to a person in fieldwork profile. Well marine engineer would not be preferred too, because I remember when my parents were looking out for a guy for my sister, if some one would say guy is marine engineer, would you look for your daughter? My mom would immediately say “No”. I also would be part of it and make fun “haan wohh 6 mahine ship pe hoga, tab yeh tumhari jaan khaegi, rehne do”.
Coming back to reality I was harsh but I said “ I hope you realize what you are earning now is too less, and after marriage , no families would be supporting us monetarily” . He looked at me asking “so? You want me to live away from you, just because we need to earn well?” I was blank and replied “I can live without you, for few years , if its for our better future” . He sighed and again looked out of the glass window and said “ theek hai , kal I ll go and sign the bond, I bet you will regret for having said this”…..we planned to meet next day and decide the plans for next week for his packing and all.
He lived there six months, without any communications, or very few. I focused on my career and worked harder to save money and studied further to keep myself occupied. Every now and then parents wanted me to see and a guy and he had said before leaving “don’t revolt and see if you like some one, because living life with a marine engineer would not be easy” and I had shouted “you are mad, I don’t want you to go, so that I can marry someone else and settle, its for our future, you are going to join”.
But I had to see guys and would cry day and night, thinking how do I handle things and answer to my parents “no” and state what reasons. Finally the first six months was over and he had come back. We talked to both are families; we had saved in money that we could do a decent wedding, without troubling our parents. But wedding plans had taken away the entire six months and we got married, 10 days before his next journey. We got married and we got involved in packing and planning for things required for next 6 months. Still I didn’t realize anything. I had convinced families that I would live these six months at my parents place though it was hard to convince, and finally today I was waiting for him, regretting why at all I told him to go and join as a “marine engineer”.
So here I was, now for the first time, going to live a life of married women. I had dressed up, as he would like me to. I was wearing a simple dull shaded, white suit, kurta with small blue flowered prints, with the chain (which we south Indian girls have to wear after marriage) and a watch he had gifted me on our wedding. When I saw him coming, I realized he had grown up. He looked mature than I had seen him last. He gave a tight hug and said “ you are looking pretty as ever.” I was broken and almost crying and whispered “ I missed you” but his voice was strong and clear “ I missed you too”. I didn’t want to show my weakness and made fun of him “mera motu , smart lagne laga hai”.
While he was driving, (well he had so much of ego that he cant let me drive when I am sitting right next to him) I knew this, and may be it was for this ego that I fell in love with him. And as ever, I found his mobile in my hands, so I started looking at it. It had a photo of mine, of my college days, which he used to love. I looked at him, he laughed “ kya dekh rahi hai?” I showed the picture to him and asked “ in this your girlfriend in the mobile wallpaper?”……………
I regretted my decision as he had said, but I learnt one thing, there is no turning back in life. I can change the things of future but not the past decision. I decided to be happy with the decision I took for us and live the moments, which I get with him and after all it was for our better future.
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
I was waiting at the Delhi airport for him. He called and said ship has arrived at Mumbai port and I reached Delhi airport even before he could board his flight from Mumbai to Delhi.
I stood there waiting, when he called and said “ shona just three more hours, I will be there with you”. I replied “ I am already waiting at airport” and we hung up.
As I was waiting I was reminded of the day, when he called and said “ I have cleared the interview for marine engineer, they want me to sign a bond of four years involving few trips and start my journey next week. I said, “Can we meet and talk?” I knew if we would talk more over the phone, it would land up to a fight.
We met at GIP, pind balluchi, I reached directly from office and was in formals. He was somewhere near Noida as a part of marketing cum sales job, so managed to squeeze in time and meet there.
We ordered for food, rather we don’t need to order, the service people would automatically bring, as we had been there for so many times that they would know what we usually order. I was working on the laptop while he kept looking outside the window and when food arrived, I shut it and we started having food. So I started “ haan abhi batao”. He knew I would start and so I did, after all we met to discuss the topic.
He said “ kya bataun? Wohi bataya na, cleared the interview, bas aur kya?” I said, “ so what have you decided?” he looked at me with shock “ decide ka kya hai? I told you pehle hi I am giving interview for interview experience”. Somewhere at heart, we both knew, it was great necessity for him to get a better job. He wanted because he was not satisfied in the current and I wanted because my parents wouldn’t want me to get married to a person in fieldwork profile. Well marine engineer would not be preferred too, because I remember when my parents were looking out for a guy for my sister, if some one would say guy is marine engineer, would you look for your daughter? My mom would immediately say “No”. I also would be part of it and make fun “haan wohh 6 mahine ship pe hoga, tab yeh tumhari jaan khaegi, rehne do”.
Coming back to reality I was harsh but I said “ I hope you realize what you are earning now is too less, and after marriage , no families would be supporting us monetarily” . He looked at me asking “so? You want me to live away from you, just because we need to earn well?” I was blank and replied “I can live without you, for few years , if its for our better future” . He sighed and again looked out of the glass window and said “ theek hai , kal I ll go and sign the bond, I bet you will regret for having said this”…..we planned to meet next day and decide the plans for next week for his packing and all.
He lived there six months, without any communications, or very few. I focused on my career and worked harder to save money and studied further to keep myself occupied. Every now and then parents wanted me to see and a guy and he had said before leaving “don’t revolt and see if you like some one, because living life with a marine engineer would not be easy” and I had shouted “you are mad, I don’t want you to go, so that I can marry someone else and settle, its for our future, you are going to join”.
But I had to see guys and would cry day and night, thinking how do I handle things and answer to my parents “no” and state what reasons. Finally the first six months was over and he had come back. We talked to both are families; we had saved in money that we could do a decent wedding, without troubling our parents. But wedding plans had taken away the entire six months and we got married, 10 days before his next journey. We got married and we got involved in packing and planning for things required for next 6 months. Still I didn’t realize anything. I had convinced families that I would live these six months at my parents place though it was hard to convince, and finally today I was waiting for him, regretting why at all I told him to go and join as a “marine engineer”.
So here I was, now for the first time, going to live a life of married women. I had dressed up, as he would like me to. I was wearing a simple dull shaded, white suit, kurta with small blue flowered prints, with the chain (which we south Indian girls have to wear after marriage) and a watch he had gifted me on our wedding. When I saw him coming, I realized he had grown up. He looked mature than I had seen him last. He gave a tight hug and said “ you are looking pretty as ever.” I was broken and almost crying and whispered “ I missed you” but his voice was strong and clear “ I missed you too”. I didn’t want to show my weakness and made fun of him “mera motu , smart lagne laga hai”.
While he was driving, (well he had so much of ego that he cant let me drive when I am sitting right next to him) I knew this, and may be it was for this ego that I fell in love with him. And as ever, I found his mobile in my hands, so I started looking at it. It had a photo of mine, of my college days, which he used to love. I looked at him, he laughed “ kya dekh rahi hai?” I showed the picture to him and asked “ in this your girlfriend in the mobile wallpaper?”……………
I regretted my decision as he had said, but I learnt one thing, there is no turning back in life. I can change the things of future but not the past decision. I decided to be happy with the decision I took for us and live the moments, which I get with him and after all it was for our better future.
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
Monday, August 1, 2011
What should i do?
I stood there near the reading window of mine, in my golden Saree, looking at the silver moon shining in the sky. Moon was my best friend. I spoke it, I hated, I fought with it, and I wrote blogs on it. I used to look at it when I was alone.
As I was looking at it, I went back to the memory of the day, when I was talking to him and he said, “I am in the 9th floor of the flat, looking out of the French window”. He said, “it’s raining and moon is looking so pretty, playing hide and seek with the clouds”. As usual I cribbed, “I am sitting inside office, and I can’t go out and all windows have been sheeted and so many people around that I can’t see the moon, don’t irritate me”. He used to love the tantrums I threw and said, “Let me suggest something”. I knew it would be one of the bad ideas of the earth that he can come up with. He said “go and look at yourself in the mirror”. I was quiet, and didn’t understand what he said, took time to recall and understand, as I didn’t expect something like this from him.
There was a knock at the door. I looked out and it was Vishal standing there, with the modest smile on his face as ever. I looked at him and smiled back. Vishal knew my nerves and would have understood I was thinking about him. He knew I loved talking about him also. So he asked me “thinking about him”. I could feel the lump in my throat. I was controlling my tears hard and nodded saying, “Yes”. I looked up at him and said, “main is rishte ko sachai ki buniyaad pe shuru karna chahti hun”. He didn’t say anything, came near me and we both stood near the window watching the moon. He said “ your fiancé got fierce at the thought of you going out with dinner with me, and you think he would be able to take up this talk on your relationship? What is it that you want to tell him? There was guy in your life, who had hurt you so much, because of his problems and so you got the courage to face all difficulties? Don’t give me all this crap Riya; he moved back, come on wind up, everyone is waiting for you downstairs.” I couldn’t speak yet I spoke “you are right. Wooh bhi yehi kehta ta, jhoot bolna galat hai, par chupana nahi.He fumed up at this when he heard me saying Wooh bhi yehi kehta tha. He shouted “Will you stop this!!!!!!!, he hardly cares about you, if he would have, aaj who hota neeche, tumhara intazaar karte hue”. I looked at him and tears were falling down my cheek.
Yes today is my D-day. My death day. I hated this institution of marriages and that too an arranged marriage. I wasn’t over of the nightmares of such things that I was forced to do one. Vishal my best friend knew everything. He knew he would have to face all this as well.
He came near me and said “you know what? You are looking like an angel, and it’s not you who is the loser, but he. You must be one of those lucky people to get a person like Nitin as a life-partner. Nitin is a very good guy”. “Importantly you parents would be happy, look at the happiness in their eyes, that's what you always wanted right?”.
With tears falling I nodded “Yes, you are right", bringing back the smile, laughed saying "let me get back to my positivity syndrome.” As soon as we both turned back to go and join others in wedding hall, I was frozen to death when I saw Nitin standing right at the door. I wanted to clutch Vishal’s hand fiercely as I am used, when I am terribly scared and realized I have committed some mistake. I didn’t because I knew Nitin Hated that.
I didn’t say anything, but my dearest friend Vishal, must give credit to his courage to break the silence, said, “So all set, shall we go downstairs? And by the way yaar tu yeh bata bachelors party kab dega?” I tried bringing smile on my face. But Nitin’s face was cold without any response which otherwise is very expressive. Nitin replied cold, I want to talk to her alone for a moment Vishal. Vishal looked at me and winked, and said All right and tried joking "I will listen with my ears at the door". I felt Nitin was insulting Vishal, wanted to say, Vishal knows everything about me, more than you, what privacy are you wanting, but like a drunk person, mind was thinking everything but was not able to implement my responses. And I absolutely knew Vishal would even hear from door, if he felt that was necessary. He was crazy. And that was what had made us so good friends. He loved my craziness and I loved his stupidity.
All of a sudden, don’t know what Nitin felt, he said, “ in fact Vishal, there is nothing to hide from you, so I guess it is better you should be here along with us.” I felt very confused what is that this guy is wanting at this last minute of the hour? I hated last minute things in important things. Nitin said loudly, ever more loudly I have heard of him. He said “Let me introduce you to my friend Ritesh. Ritesh please come in.”. I stood there numb; looking from Nitin to Ritesh. I didn’t know what to say. I knew Vishal wouldn’t say anything. He knew I talked about my past, but he never knew his name was Ritesh and have never seen him either.
Nitin broke the silence this time, you guys were talking about him few minutes back and looked at me and asked “why are you silent now?” Ritesh was staring at me, with his eyes almost red, I knew he would have been drunk the days before, had he been aware of my wedding. I didn’t inform him though. Vishal looked at me confused. I said “its him Vishal”. I don’t know what he felt, he moved out of the room.
Tears started falling down my cheek. Didn’t know what to say. I knew my parents would disown me, if this marriage stops. I had hidden this secret from Nitin not because I wanted to hide, but I felt that was right to do. I turned my back to window and started crying loudly confused.
Suddenly someone came in front of me and tried moving my hands from my face. I looked up crying and it was Nitin. I broke out “ Nitin, I wanted to tell you everything, but !!!!” He brought his hands and wiping tears said, “ I am sorry”. I was confused thinking I should be the one saying sorry, replied “Nitin don’t embarrass me by saying sorry”. He replied “ I read your diary that day when I was waiting for you at your office reception, kept in your bag. I was looking for a novel which you usually keep and caught a glimpse of it, and couldn’t resist reading”. He went on “I knew why you have hidden everything and I know you truly love me as well your parents.” Why Ritesh is here is not because you love him, but I know what it means to see ones beloved getting married to someone else. I wish I had the courage to stop Preeti, my first love, my life from getting married. I wish I had the courage to go and tell her parents, I loved her and wanted to marry her, I couldn’t Riya and we both lost our love. She moved on, I tried hard, and I am still trying. When you came in my life, I thought life has given me all what I wanted, but deep within my heart I regretted for having lost my first love”.
I broke out crying wondering why ever did Nitin hide this from me? I would have helped him prove him wrong or may be my respect for him would have increased or may be, that would have given me an opportunity to tell something about me, which I otherwise hesitant about. Probably then I realized that we both waited for other to say something.
I sat on the bed and besides me stood the two people I loved the most…………
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
As I was looking at it, I went back to the memory of the day, when I was talking to him and he said, “I am in the 9th floor of the flat, looking out of the French window”. He said, “it’s raining and moon is looking so pretty, playing hide and seek with the clouds”. As usual I cribbed, “I am sitting inside office, and I can’t go out and all windows have been sheeted and so many people around that I can’t see the moon, don’t irritate me”. He used to love the tantrums I threw and said, “Let me suggest something”. I knew it would be one of the bad ideas of the earth that he can come up with. He said “go and look at yourself in the mirror”. I was quiet, and didn’t understand what he said, took time to recall and understand, as I didn’t expect something like this from him.
There was a knock at the door. I looked out and it was Vishal standing there, with the modest smile on his face as ever. I looked at him and smiled back. Vishal knew my nerves and would have understood I was thinking about him. He knew I loved talking about him also. So he asked me “thinking about him”. I could feel the lump in my throat. I was controlling my tears hard and nodded saying, “Yes”. I looked up at him and said, “main is rishte ko sachai ki buniyaad pe shuru karna chahti hun”. He didn’t say anything, came near me and we both stood near the window watching the moon. He said “ your fiancé got fierce at the thought of you going out with dinner with me, and you think he would be able to take up this talk on your relationship? What is it that you want to tell him? There was guy in your life, who had hurt you so much, because of his problems and so you got the courage to face all difficulties? Don’t give me all this crap Riya; he moved back, come on wind up, everyone is waiting for you downstairs.” I couldn’t speak yet I spoke “you are right. Wooh bhi yehi kehta ta, jhoot bolna galat hai, par chupana nahi.He fumed up at this when he heard me saying Wooh bhi yehi kehta tha. He shouted “Will you stop this!!!!!!!, he hardly cares about you, if he would have, aaj who hota neeche, tumhara intazaar karte hue”. I looked at him and tears were falling down my cheek.
Yes today is my D-day. My death day. I hated this institution of marriages and that too an arranged marriage. I wasn’t over of the nightmares of such things that I was forced to do one. Vishal my best friend knew everything. He knew he would have to face all this as well.
He came near me and said “you know what? You are looking like an angel, and it’s not you who is the loser, but he. You must be one of those lucky people to get a person like Nitin as a life-partner. Nitin is a very good guy”. “Importantly you parents would be happy, look at the happiness in their eyes, that's what you always wanted right?”.
With tears falling I nodded “Yes, you are right", bringing back the smile, laughed saying "let me get back to my positivity syndrome.” As soon as we both turned back to go and join others in wedding hall, I was frozen to death when I saw Nitin standing right at the door. I wanted to clutch Vishal’s hand fiercely as I am used, when I am terribly scared and realized I have committed some mistake. I didn’t because I knew Nitin Hated that.
I didn’t say anything, but my dearest friend Vishal, must give credit to his courage to break the silence, said, “So all set, shall we go downstairs? And by the way yaar tu yeh bata bachelors party kab dega?” I tried bringing smile on my face. But Nitin’s face was cold without any response which otherwise is very expressive. Nitin replied cold, I want to talk to her alone for a moment Vishal. Vishal looked at me and winked, and said All right and tried joking "I will listen with my ears at the door". I felt Nitin was insulting Vishal, wanted to say, Vishal knows everything about me, more than you, what privacy are you wanting, but like a drunk person, mind was thinking everything but was not able to implement my responses. And I absolutely knew Vishal would even hear from door, if he felt that was necessary. He was crazy. And that was what had made us so good friends. He loved my craziness and I loved his stupidity.
All of a sudden, don’t know what Nitin felt, he said, “ in fact Vishal, there is nothing to hide from you, so I guess it is better you should be here along with us.” I felt very confused what is that this guy is wanting at this last minute of the hour? I hated last minute things in important things. Nitin said loudly, ever more loudly I have heard of him. He said “Let me introduce you to my friend Ritesh. Ritesh please come in.”. I stood there numb; looking from Nitin to Ritesh. I didn’t know what to say. I knew Vishal wouldn’t say anything. He knew I talked about my past, but he never knew his name was Ritesh and have never seen him either.
Nitin broke the silence this time, you guys were talking about him few minutes back and looked at me and asked “why are you silent now?” Ritesh was staring at me, with his eyes almost red, I knew he would have been drunk the days before, had he been aware of my wedding. I didn’t inform him though. Vishal looked at me confused. I said “its him Vishal”. I don’t know what he felt, he moved out of the room.
Tears started falling down my cheek. Didn’t know what to say. I knew my parents would disown me, if this marriage stops. I had hidden this secret from Nitin not because I wanted to hide, but I felt that was right to do. I turned my back to window and started crying loudly confused.
Suddenly someone came in front of me and tried moving my hands from my face. I looked up crying and it was Nitin. I broke out “ Nitin, I wanted to tell you everything, but !!!!” He brought his hands and wiping tears said, “ I am sorry”. I was confused thinking I should be the one saying sorry, replied “Nitin don’t embarrass me by saying sorry”. He replied “ I read your diary that day when I was waiting for you at your office reception, kept in your bag. I was looking for a novel which you usually keep and caught a glimpse of it, and couldn’t resist reading”. He went on “I knew why you have hidden everything and I know you truly love me as well your parents.” Why Ritesh is here is not because you love him, but I know what it means to see ones beloved getting married to someone else. I wish I had the courage to stop Preeti, my first love, my life from getting married. I wish I had the courage to go and tell her parents, I loved her and wanted to marry her, I couldn’t Riya and we both lost our love. She moved on, I tried hard, and I am still trying. When you came in my life, I thought life has given me all what I wanted, but deep within my heart I regretted for having lost my first love”.
I broke out crying wondering why ever did Nitin hide this from me? I would have helped him prove him wrong or may be my respect for him would have increased or may be, that would have given me an opportunity to tell something about me, which I otherwise hesitant about. Probably then I realized that we both waited for other to say something.
I sat on the bed and besides me stood the two people I loved the most…………
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
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