Acknowledge Please!

I saw an acknowledgment card on my table for some admission documents I had sent long back. Wondered there were days when people would look forward for acknowledgement for the post or courier they would have sent. For that matter even these days, when we send a message, we wait for the delivery report, which is a form of acknowledgement.

However, in today’s time we receive acknowledgement more often for something that has not been done, than for what’s actually done. Listing few points which came to my mind from the daily life which are not acknowledge when they have been done, rather are acknowledged only when it is not done.

·         When the house cleaner do not come, we scold her the next day, but we she comes regularly, do we ever acknowledge her?
·         Don’t complete your work one day in office, you would definitely get the response from boss, but had you completed it , you may not receive the acknowledgement for the same               
·         Leave your home unclean, and dare if you don’t receive an acknowledgement  from your wife or parents
·         Have your even acknowledged the fact that your mom or wife cooks every day? Let them not do it for a day and you would definitely ask for the reason
·         Do we ever acknowledge sun for shining right on time? But if it doesn’t, we do wonder
·         We do crib if the boss is not good, but have we ever acknowledged them if they are good?
·         Cab comes late and we land up shouting at the driver, but all the times when they come on time, do we ever acknowledge them?
·         When children don’t score good marks, we acknowledge them, but are that same when they score really well?
·         When we have electricity supply throughout at our home , we would be happy, but even for an hour if it is not there during the peak summers, we thank the people concerned :-)
·         You get a gift on your birthday from your beloved, that's usual. But if you don’t receive, it is a point to be acknowledged.

Ironically, wiki defines acknowledgement as “a statement of gratitude for assistance in producing a work”. Shouldn’t it be reverse “a statement of gratitude for not assisting in a work?”

We take lot of things in life for obvious. Things has to happen, according to us, which when doesn’t happen, we feel the difference, however in reality it’s the other way round.

Documents required for choosing the life partner!

Came across a very unique thought today. When we have to join a college, or join/change a job, or when we have to go to a new country, there are so many mandatory requirements that one has to meet and many documents that we have to produce. I started surfing on net with the thought in mind when I got to see the following things. Well the list is not exhaustive; it’s just a collection from various websites and links. So I have made an inter comparison of mandatory requirements for selecting the life partners and documents that we usually get to see.  There are certain details which are mentioned/required for selecting the life partner, but not for job or education.

Mandatory Requirements

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
You must be a citizen of India	Preferably not a resident of India, but any foreign nation
Minimum 50 percentages in graduation and post graduation, from the reputed institutes, in few PSU’s, while recruitment, names of the institutes are also specified.	People just know engineers, doctors and CA by profession. There is nothing like passion which people consider with which person has selected his career.  Even in case of engineers and doctors, name of the institute is rarely known, if at we know, percentage and scores are never known. However girls who have studied abroad are definitely preferred, who cares if they paid and went there or after getting scholarship? Those who would have struggled to make it to best Indian college and institutes are secondary.
Minimum 17 years of education	If it is 15, as long as you are earning well, I don’t care.
Minimum work experience of 5 years in a well reputed multinational company whose turnover is minimum one million	We know work experience, but we hardly get to know the previous companies Girls working are also a problem ,as the ego of guys and his family would clash and non working are also not preferred, as most of them wouldn’t be highly read, none of the girl well read would prefer to sit at home and be a home maker.
Number of attempts to write an exam is also fixed. For example to become an IAS, if you belong to the “Open Category” you can give the exam 4 times maximum!	Marriage has only one and final attempt.
Candidates should not have been arrested, convicted or prosecuted on criminal charges.	No clue unless , one commits on their own
·         Medical standards o        Height o        Weight o        Eye sight 6/6, without glasses	Although not up to the standards, yet by looking at person the following could be judged.

Skills required

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
Leadership skills	Mandate when it comes to a marriage, but how can we judge the same?
Self motivator to take up responsibility
Communication skills
Pro activeness in generating new ideas

Qualifying exams for various exams (providing score of the following)

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
TOFEL	No exam or interview for the individual. Only society’s reference is required. Develop your PR skills and you are through it. And make an excellent profile in matrimonial sites.
GRE
CAT
CDSE
GMAT
XSAT
Any other exam(please specify)

To be bought on the day of the interview or the first meet in case of the matrimony

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective things that’s are bought are
Statement of purpose	All that is bought is fruits, sweets, clothes for the entire families, jewellary from both sides, and girl as well the guy. Followed by a big lunch in which people just land up eating and the concerns are lost.
Original certificate of 10th for date of birth verification
Original mark sheet of 10+2
Original mark sheets of graduation and post graduation
Identity proof including passport , driving license
Character certificate from school/college
Referral  contact details	Only the following criteria is met because of the relatives who come to attend the functions of ROKA or to see the girl/guy

To be submitted before joining / wedding day activities

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
Joinee should be on time to the venue to attend the induction.	Entire families would be present than just the girl and the guy .time of arrival would be few weeks prior to the date of the wedding. Besides All this is required is arrangement of caterer, hall booking, transport arrangements to reach the venue, vaidyaar mama has to be present.
Medical checkup certificate post the medical checkup by the specified hospitals (eye sight and height weights proofs also to be submitted)	That would be the biggest offence to ask for any such thing.  We don’t mean to offend anyone, but let’s try to start a life with the truthful note, irrespective of the fact that girl has to disclose or the guy.
Attested Address proof (permanent and temporary )	Only we go to visit the guy or girls home and see, but we don’t know if it’s a rented flat or their own home. They may claim it’s our own house, but do we ever check the papers? It’s applicable for both guys and girls. When it comes to guy owning a house, yes it’s in his name, but they would never talk about the loan which he would be paying for the same. The girl also has a contribution as she is forgoing something to repay the loan, but “the house would be in guys’ name”. But ironically a girl can’t own a house itself. Off late I fumed up when I got to know a bank doesn’t offer a joint loan to mother daughter or two sisters won’t be offered loan. Indian legal system itself is still biased.
Attested Employment proofs (Current Employer) o        Appointment letter & Last two months pay slips   o        Resignation Acceptance o        Relieving letter	Half of the times salaries mentioned in matrimony sites are like what companies mentions as total earning capacity, which would be actually double of what individual is going to earn. No one mentions the actually in hand salary. Girls if earning less, then she is commented that your salary won’t be enough to buy nappies for the kids. If girls earn more, guys feel why at all should they work? And entire family runs or depends on her salary.
Attested Employment proofs (Previous 2 Employers) o        Appointment letter & two months pay slips  o        Resignation & Relieving Letter	We don’t even know who previous employers were; leave apart the documents to be asked.

Documents required for obtaining a VISA or post wedding issues could be resolved if the following are considered. Why a country wants to know the following before a person enters his/her country is to avoid any kind of issues post that and that it doesn’t hamper the pride and image of an organization.

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
6 Months Valid Passport from the Date of Travel with the old Passport if any.	All I can put here is big smiley. I don’t have any rights on bank statements before the wedding. What do one has to do with property of the other individual? What has one got to do with the saving of the other, we will do post the wedding, and you can’t question me on that. I have a nick name to call you, whatever your name is, doesn’t matter to me.
Last 6 Months Bank Statements
Last 3 Years Income Tax Returns Acknowledgement
Property Papers
Saving Certificate
Legal name change documents required

Role of society in our lives

 

I recently came across a term called “Society”. That led me to think why we do everything in the name of the society, what role does it have in our lives? Is our perception about the society correct?

Society (assuming it to be the family and friends) came to see the child when it was born, but it was the parents who saw the child taking his or her first step, walking on its own.

When the child was one year old, the society would come to attend the birthday, but it was the parents, who struggled to bring up the children and so would they in future.

As the child grew older, on the day of the results the society came rushing to ask “How much marks have you scored in your board exams?”, but it was the parents who were awake all night, throughout the year to see their child study and would work day long at office to provide the kids with all the facilities.

Society came to ask “which engineering, medical college have you joined?”, but the parents would help the children identify their goals and potential to make them successful in their career and life. It is not a one minute game, but process of years to achieve the goals.

Society comes to ask me “where have you got placed, and what is the package (package referring to the salary)?” but it the parents who support financially and mentally during the years of our study to let us be in the position where we are today.

Now the real societal pressure begins for the parents and their children. In any social occasions they go, they would ask “Aren’t you getting your children married, I know a girl / boy, would forward the horoscopes to you.”  Parents just don’t want to catch hold of any girl or the boy to get their children married but they want to search someone with whom they can be happy.

Assuming that parents finally were able to identify the partner for their kids, Society would come to the wedding, eat, pass few comments, asking the above mentioned questions to others and leave. The parents would have spent lakhs and lakhs of rupees to get their children married, and it would be only the parents who would see their children grow in life after the wedding and not the society.

Then again the children are going to have their kids, when the society would come again for their birth, and the cycle of the societal domination begins for the next generation ……..

However the reality is that at some point of time, we also become the part of this society, even after being the victim of this society. We often forget what has happened with us, or assume that it could never happen to us.

We are all living at the mercy of the society in the name of “socializing with people”. Someone has to stop and show to society, we do not live for showing it off to you, but for our own self.

The day we die, society would definitely come to mourn the death, give their precious comments, ‘oh he was such a gentle man’, or ‘she was such a good lady’, but they may not even know, how we have lived our lives.

Whenever we take a decision , we should ask our own self “am I doing because I am going to be happy, or I want to show off to the society?” and we would never take a wrong decision in our  life.

 

Waiting for the right wind!

I stood at the peak of the mountain, and decided go back.

I passed across the old couple sitting near the mountain top, missing their sons and daughters, who lived somewhere far apart and the old pretty lady crying to get a glimpse of the grand children, when it is her age to play with them and take them around the park and the old man was consoling her.

As I walked past them I saw the young artist, painting the rising sun, a beauty worth watch and there sat a beautiful lady in the picture, who was nowhere to be seen but in his heart. A tear trickled down his cheek when he gave the final touch to the painting and started to wrap in around and started to walk back home, where no one was waiting for him but only the loneliness.

As I walked along him, in the street where his house was, I caught the glimpse of a young girl looking at the photos of hers with her boyfriend and their happy times. I wished I got to know if they have broken or has he died that she was crying for him, and why life has given her so much of the sorrows, when it was the time to live her life happily.

As I moved ahead, there were jazzy lights hanging on the walls of the house. I moved with anticipation to see some happiness around, as I went inside, all I saw was parents looking into the album of their daughter, from the day she was born to this day when they got her married and they were crying, wishing that she didn’t go away from them.

To get away from the sadness, I went out crushing the windows , to see a small girl playing with her doll, in the garden ,when I saw her grand mom calling her aloud to have her lunch ,she threw tantrums that she would eat only when her mom is around, and grandmother calling the little girl’s father , crying and asking him how do I explain to her that he mother is dead in the accident and never going to return, asking will she ever understand that , will she ever remember her mother’s face when she would grow up.

In search of the happiness I went ahead, and caught a sight of a drunkard man, pushing his wife inside the house and she was crying aloud begging him to leave her, to let her go. I turned away from them and moved in other direction.

And finally I paced fast to the top of the mountain, and saw a man commanding life, he seemed satisfied with his life, folded his hands and looked ahead at the setting sun. He smiled at me and asked me to wait for some time. I questioned him, what do you want to know? He commanded “tell me the people whom you just saw and are unhappy, I asked “what you would do? Satisfy your heart and realize you are much happier than others in this world.”

He grinned at me, I was frustrated and was about to rush ahead , when he caught hold of me and said “ that is why I have made you , The wind, so that you flow around and tell me the mistakes I have done, while creating the humans, and give me the feedback to correct my mistakes.” I told him about all the people I met on my way and why they were unhappy and asked him what he was going to do about it now? He smiled and pointed towards the sun and said “this the setting sun of their unhappiness”.

Waiting for the right wind to understand my unhappiness, and let god know, to set the sun of unhappiness of my life!

Subjectivity

As I ate MARS chocolate sitting outside the office near the small tuck shop, I happened to look at the wrapper and it was written “tastes best when stored in 15-22 degree temperature”. I grinned to myself and asked how they can determine when it tastes best as that depends on the liking of an individual. They can state that, in any other temperature it may get spoilt or ingredients lose its nutrients or whatever, but ‘tastes best’ was a subjective term to be mentioned.


On asking this to myself, I was taken back to a day when I went my professor to help me in writing a paper on “Social marketing”. He just asked me one question “do you consider selling cigarette as social marketing “. I abruptly replied “not at all’. He smiled at me and asked “why?” I said “because consuming that is harmful for an individual”. He looked at me and said you got the backbone of your project “it’s a subjective term; because I would consider it as social marketing as it clearly states on its cover that it is harmful when consumed. To use the product or not is customer’s preference and marketer would yet be social."



This thought led me to a process of thinking the term “Subjectivity”. Read ahead to understand subjectivity.


Subjectivity of wealth

To have a chocolate and spending Rs30 in a day would mean nothing to someone, which to a beggar would have lasted for a meal and survival for a day.


Subjectivity of expression

To one it could mean to reassure in words “I am there for you”, to other it could be “buying new gadgets and brand new electronic stuffs”


Subjectivity of celebration

To one it could be to throw a party worth million, to other it would mean to spend few minutes of time with the family.


Subjectivity of spiritual belief

To one it would mean to visit the temples, to other it could mean to sit in peace and meditate to connect with the power called “god”



Subjectivity of respect

To one it could mean to speak good words, but actions don’t matter. To other it would be the truthful in thoughts, words and action.


Subjectivity of freedom

Freedom to an individual could be to write a status on facebook, to another freedom could be to spend time with friends.



Subjectivity of happiness

Happiness to one individual could mean to read books and novels for hours and hours, to other it might mean to dance at a place with loud music on.


Subjectivity of beauty

Beauty to a person means the smart intellectual talk, to other it might be the looks of an individual.


Subjectivity of occasional

Occasional activity could be once in a week to someone, which could be bi yearly for other.


Subjectivity of cleanliness

For someone it would be a home, where they get a place to put their foot and walk forward without things spread here and there. To other it would be to have to right furniture’s in an organized manner, and everything set in its place, to get as and when required.

Subjectivity of dreams

To one it would be the dreams, which one see in the sleep but forgets as soon as we get up; to others it is the power to create a life, an empire, in which they convert dreams into reality.


Subjectivity of passion

To one passion mean driving, to other it could be to learn some something new



Subjectivity of satisfaction

To one it would mean mental peace, to other money or addiction to something could mean the same.



Subjectivity of encouragement

To one it means to tell what he is yet to achieve, to other it would be to appreciate of what has already been attained.

I could have written the blog with my subjectivity. With this I leave the subject of subjectivity for you to think upon.

i want to be empowered!

I was going through the bloggers contest in intranet of Wipro and the contest was named “Empower girls”. People had their own thoughts that if women or girls should be educated , then they would become empowered, providing them decision making powers would make them empowered, some also claimed that modern day women is already empowered and lets may be talk about village girls in this regard.

Some also showed their anger saying women’s day should not be celebrated as girls should not be given any special treatment. All was accepted as it was right to express their views. But I believe when a girl has to get married she would say “In whatever 21st century I live, however educated I may be, I am still not empowered.”

According to me girls would be empowered when:

Empowerment to me (as a girl) is when my husband would come to my place after the wedding and not me going to my in-laws place. I don’t want to live alone also, but you should shift to my home forever. Empower us with the right to live with my family forever.

The guy’s family take the entire cost of the wedding and make us feel that we the women are empowered. It should be the guy’s family who should save in fortunes to get their son married. Well I wouldn’t mind if you want to give dowry too. J

When a couple is blessed with baby, it should be the man who should take a break from the career for few years to do the baby sitting and not the women. If that happens, I would say women are empowered. I have the courage to be the only earning member in the family to support my entire family.

When I come back from office, I want to throw my shoes here and there, and head to the dining table for food which should be delicious enough for me to eat while watching cricket match. If not I should have the empowerment to throw it off on my husband’s face and say “haven’t your parents taught you to cook”?

He should look into the kitchen and decide what the groceries to be bought are and I wouldn’t mind paying the bills which he would hand it over to me as everything is done online these days. In such a case I would call that women are empowered.Empowerment is when he should be worried when maid do not turn up as he has to do all the work, right from sweeping, washing utensils and also the clothes if required.

I should have the empowerment to party out suddenly one day and give a call and say “I am having a night out party tonight, don’t wait for me, you have your dinner”. I do not want to think if he had already cooked something, or how long he has been waiting for me. I want the empowerment not to think emotionally about anything. I can buy a diamond ring or a new blackberry as an apology to make him happy for any mistake that I would have done and made him angry.

And last but not the least; I would say girls are empowered when people should say “behind every successful woman, there is a man”.

Hate to be in hypocritical world

I have seen guys scanning the list to see who will be in theirs cabs while travelling. I used to wonder are they mad, but today I understood because some unique people travelled with me. No unique would be wrong but weirdo would be better I believe.

First of all, people know that rules are meant to be broken. The rule says during the pick, employees should reach the nodal point and there cab will pick them. The lady in the cab instructed the driver to take a right turn, driver snapped back “madam for nodal point I have to go straight”. I admired his sense of his duty, but the lady started giving clearance that her home is nearer than what we would have to travel to nodal point. The driver had to give up and did as she said.

Topics #1
Soon another lady boarded the cab and their gossips started. They seemed not just colleague, but knew each other as family friends. The second lady began, “how was the function at home?” and the hypocritical talks began “oh it was really good “and she pointed towards a bag in front of her and said “Sweets” and gave a grinning smile with a comment “I hate sweets, but my home is full of them”. Second lady snapped “I hate them too; she wasn’t slim and trim either.

I am not offending the looks of an individual but the contradicting statements in comparison to their heavy weights were irritating.


Topic #2
They began discussing about someone having cancer and fat lady says “you know I feel, mercy killing is better as I have heard last stages of cancer are painful and my mom was telling the treatments also cost huge these days”. Second lady added “yes there was someone in our neighborhood, who spent 15 lakhs and yet it was unsuccessful, so spending on treatments is fully waste these days”. And then fat lady said “on the day when my brother was getting engaged, his best friend died. He was getting calls from him and he rejected it, and soon he received a messaged saying he was dead because he had stroke. His friend was in a party and felt something wrong and drove to hospital himself and he was found dead in hospital parking”.

I was fully shocked by their talks on death and the value they gave to human life. All these were the just the topics of gossips for them.



Topics #3
Soon the happy topic began. The fat lady was like “you know what? My bhabi’s family gave me necklace, with beads and a dollar, it was so pretty and also gave a necklace set to my mother“. But my father was saying, we would have to return the double of what they are giving us now. We have already given gold worth 3 lakhs during roka and engagement and have to give around 7 lakhs during the wedding” and second lady began “wedding these days have become so expensive, but that’s also a necessity”. Fat lady started “but I always feel diamonds and silver is better. I don’t like to wear gold you see”

I wanted to stop her and say “15 lakhs to save a human life was wastage for you and spending the same bloody lakhs of money on jewelry and dresses is a necessity? Whoaaa, salute to such hypocrisy”


Topic # 4
Topic changed. They were moving from one topic to another faster than it happens in movies. Fat lady had shown some photos in her blackberry and second lady asked “you are not seen”. “I was the one who clicked” replied the fat lady and continued “you know what? My boutique had spoilt my dress, it was so loose”. “But you took my boutique’s number from me; you did go to them” said the second lady. Fat lady said “no I was already given the material so late after weaving, so I told the people from where I bought to stitch also and they completely spoilt it, even after altering it, it was loose for me”.
The modern day word for tailor shop is boutique. The tailor at the end of the street would have stitched it better than the costly boutique of yours. But one has to pay for hypocrisy. Nothing comes free in today’s world.


Topic # 5
Second lady politely asked “when is the wedding?” and my fat lady began “it is in February, but we have a big thing to do before that –SHIFTING OF HOME”. Second lady asked “oh is it”. And first lady continued “you know it’s in 13th floor and my bhabi was so scared when I told her because she had seen some ghost movie, related to thirteenth floor. And I would be shifting along with my brother, after their wedding. I was telling him, you would need your time with your wife, but he don’t agree at all”

13th floor , high floored buildings are the style statements of such people and miss fat lady, ‘you better ask you bhabi , as she would need the freedom from you after the wedding or the time won’t be too late after wedding when she might throw you out from the 13th floor soon’.



Topic #6
Second lady asked “does your brother know that you smoke as you are going to shift with him?” The fat lady replied “I have smoked in front of him during parties and birthdays, not frequently, but he knows that I do”. You know, there is a live live-in couple who live below the flat we currently live, and one day both of them were smoking the same cigarette and my brother was making fun of me, I hope you also don’t do that ways?” “You know the society won’t change, even now if a woman smoked, people stare at you so badly”. Second lady nodded with agreement.

Working in a multinational company, it is assumed that they must be somewhat educated people. But I would choose to call these people “EDUCATED ILLITERATE”. People stare at you because we want to live in literate society.

Soon the cab stopped and I was glad. I got down as soon as possible to get out of the hypocritical world to grab some breathe, and alaaas what do I notice “ they got down and moved ahead as if they never knew each other”. I smiled at this, as I was shocked and didn’t know what the right response was!
And I would surely check who would be in my cab from next time and would pray to miss such cabs which are filled with such weird people to travel.