I entered into the new house, people around were smiling. I felt good, yet all new faces. As I entered and saw my suitcase laying the corner, just wondered I am going to be here my life long. Tears were already rolling down my cheeks. Wanted to pick up my luggage, throw inside the car and go back home, the moment thoughts flashed across, I realized, I need to take his permission for using the car as it is HIS car. I went inside the washroom, to cry out loud, when I realized my hand was going to the left side of the door to open it, whereas the latch was at the right.
When I came out, he was sitting in the bed, watching TV. I looked at the TV, he was watching match. One more thing I am not used to, as no one in my family prefers to watch cricket match, till it’s not the match between India and Pakistan.
He looked at me and winked, I weakly smiled back. If it would have been my sister, in his place, immediately she would have screamed back, “ tu rokar aayi hai?, kyun???” but he was unperturbed. Match was more important than my emotions for him. He said without taking his eyes off the TV, everyone has left, what about dinner? I replied “let me go and check what is available in kitchen”.
As soon I entered the kitchen, I looked out of the window, and I looked at the setting sun. I realized this is setting sun of my life too, and thought tomorrow rising sun is going to the rise of the responsibilities. I couldn’t control my tears. I didn’t know what to call this; home sickness or tensions are being released after so many days of functions and series of events. All I knew was nothing was going the way I thought. One thing I realized was, mom had accepted this kitchen as her life and took it up as a challenge to cook new dishes and often I would laugh at mom & dad’s fights, when dad would comment on food cooked by mom saying “not good” or “salt or sugar is less”.
I cooked something manageable. Dal Chawal and some side dish. He didn’t like it, but he managed to say, “Its good”, for the heck of it, and for the sole reason that, any comment could lead him to miss the match. He went back, as he was checking the scores in the mobile while eating too. I hardly ate anything, but he hardly noticed that too because he was far too busy with his blackberry than to notice such things in life.
I went to the room, opened all the suitcases and got my first gift and knew for sure that it had a book, as my colleagues knew it well that my first and last love were books. Of all the gifts, I managed to bring that with me, and keep it safe. And the irony of my life was title of the book was “if you could see me now”, by Cecelia Ahern, I guess this is the last one that I haven’t read from this author, and my friends knew that as well. I laughed at the fate of my life and felt like screaming at him “if you could see me now, I am not happy”. “If you could see me now, I am crying”, “if you could see me now, I left everything for you”, “if you could see me now, I am missing my home” and lots more. But I preferred to keep quiet. I didn’t have any energy to talk.
I took the book out and sat in the sofa to read. Well he didn’t bother to realize I wasn’t in the room, so didn’t I care to be there. But I had always wanted someone who has take it easy attitude, but yet caring and understood my emotions. I don’t know if he did, but all I knew was; now I have to move forward and accept things as it is.
In midst of my thoughts, I never knew when I slept. I am not used to of sleeping without a blanket or jaipuri rajai or atleast a chaddar, so every night, out of habit or necessity , I would go around screaming around my home, who all don’t have chaddar, and give one-one to each and take one for myself and then go to sleep. But when I got up I realized, I slept without one, although I had sensed myself, trembling due to cold at night. But my parents were also not here to come and make sure to switch off the AC thinking it’s too cold. I got up and took few minutes to come back to reality. I looked at the wall at the right to check the time, where wall clock is put at my home, it wasn’t there, I turned towards left and still I could see one, finally I managed to look at the time in the clock behind the sofa.
I wasn’t running short of time, like I used to at my home. The sun had shone so bright that I had to get up early. I opened the door where he was sleeping and he was nicely sleeping inside a cosy blanket. I went near him, and asked slowly” match khatam?, he replied out of sleep “ haan , mumbai won”, I asked again “ office jana hai ya nahi?” , he said “nahi , I am exhausted, subuh 4 baje khatam hua match”, I realized , he had slept an hour back only. I put back his blanket and went out wondering what next?
Suddenly I caught the sight of my mobile, I looked at it, and it was flooding with “congratulations” and “happy married life” messages. I came out to the hall again and read every message one by one, and the last message was from my colleagues read “We would miss you in the tour, chatter box”. I looked at time, it was 7.00 AM, their bus for our team outing was at 9.30 pm to Sariska from my office. I thought,I can join them if I leave now. I messaged- I am joining you guys, arrange a seat for me too. I was given call after call, but I didn’t want to miss the bus. I attended one call from Rahul and he shouted“what was that message?” he was my junior but a very good friend at the same time. I got into my Boss mode and shouted “do what I say”.
I ran and got ready, I threw opened my luggage, picked up the cargo pants and shirts. I knew he hates messy room and would fume up when he would get up. So what, even I hate cricket match. When he didn’t care, I believe I shouldn’t care either. I opened the curtains of his room in anger and went to the table and wrote a note “Match will make your breakfast and coffee, going to sariska with friends”. Keep the dinner ready, would come back home, might be late.
I felt all the emotions I had the day before was because of feeling sick to leave everything, I wanted him to feel how I had felt. I went to the door, wondered if I take a metro or auto I would be late. my eyes fell on his car keys. I thought when my life is his, then his car is mine, I picked the keys,banged closed the door behind and reached office and all screamed there looking at me “how come you are here?” I smiled “ bina chatter box ke team enjoy nahi kar sakti laga, so I am here.”
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Rules are meant to be broken
I used to be very fond of reading the casual observations blogs posted by people in Wipro blogspot. It used to be funny. I used to wonder “ Aisa bhi hota hoga?”. Par my doubts got confirmed after joining at GNDC. Fortunately or unfortunately, don’t know what would be the right word, I can’t open the ChannelW Blogs from office, don’t know why. But that lead me to start observing people.
More than a week it is in GNDC office and I had to write my observations. People get dressed as if they are going to a disc, like hot chic babes, sorry for the languages, but that’s to give the real description. Guys are no less, they come with their chappals. I found a girl hanging her ID at the back of her jeans, I felt like pulling it off, jaise pocket maarte hain, and felt that would be really amusing, but soon realized I am supposed to maintain my decency.
We all come to office to work, as professionals, but people here haven’t got out of their college mode.
Day before when I was in the cab, a young guy, thankfully he looked like a professional, had joined Wipro recently (may be that’s why he looked professional, soon he would change too) and another elderly person who have been in Wipro for more than five years (his RED Id tag proved that), we all started discussing about Chennai and Delhi. All were somehow related to Chennai, I am chennaiite, Mr. Elderly had done his schooling and college from Chennai and Mr. Young has been to Chennai on short official visits. Mr. young described, “hum ek baar Ladkiyan taadne(In Tamil, site addikka) nikle Chennai me, ……and me and another girl, unknown to us, sitting the cab, busted out laughing.
Well I don’t know where I got the affinity for Chennai, which I never had, after my one year stay at Chennai, said, “But people there are simple, no show off, their dressing sense is all very different”. And Mr. Elderly supported me and my Mr. Young replied, why don’t people try to revolutionize things and change it? I gave him a sharp look and said “it’s not Chennai that has to be revolutionized, rather it’s Delhi that has to be changed, and that’s why I am here”. It’s a part of my job. He gulped, it should have been me, because I am here to make impossible, possible. He grinned at me and said “Best of Luck”. I better knew, that it was indeed required.
I am sorry but I have been noticing only girls, but couldn’t take my eyes off them too. So what do I observe, coming out of a team ,where no one was motivated enough to put a kajal also , seeing people with so much of make-up, gave me little shocks. But I reassured myself saying, I was a part of this world an year before, I survived and was successful, that’s the reason I am back here, saying I can manage.
But at the same time, I also was threatened, don’t change yourself, you have to change others and I have been given ultimate back up support on that ground, to change others, so that I don’t change.
Of all the things, I met one of the colleague, I greeted him, “how are you? He replied, was really politely “I forget where I met you earlier?” I smiled and said, “I was a part of the meeting last Thursday”…he sighed….”aaahhh, your dressing style was very different that day”……I wondered how, I was in black kurta and today I was in pink…, I smiled to myself, thinking I have no response on this!
I deviated from observations and landed up somewhere else. Anyways one thing i realized was Delhiite’s follow one policy absolutely right “RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN”
More than a week it is in GNDC office and I had to write my observations. People get dressed as if they are going to a disc, like hot chic babes, sorry for the languages, but that’s to give the real description. Guys are no less, they come with their chappals. I found a girl hanging her ID at the back of her jeans, I felt like pulling it off, jaise pocket maarte hain, and felt that would be really amusing, but soon realized I am supposed to maintain my decency.
We all come to office to work, as professionals, but people here haven’t got out of their college mode.
Day before when I was in the cab, a young guy, thankfully he looked like a professional, had joined Wipro recently (may be that’s why he looked professional, soon he would change too) and another elderly person who have been in Wipro for more than five years (his RED Id tag proved that), we all started discussing about Chennai and Delhi. All were somehow related to Chennai, I am chennaiite, Mr. Elderly had done his schooling and college from Chennai and Mr. Young has been to Chennai on short official visits. Mr. young described, “hum ek baar Ladkiyan taadne(In Tamil, site addikka) nikle Chennai me, ……and me and another girl, unknown to us, sitting the cab, busted out laughing.
Well I don’t know where I got the affinity for Chennai, which I never had, after my one year stay at Chennai, said, “But people there are simple, no show off, their dressing sense is all very different”. And Mr. Elderly supported me and my Mr. Young replied, why don’t people try to revolutionize things and change it? I gave him a sharp look and said “it’s not Chennai that has to be revolutionized, rather it’s Delhi that has to be changed, and that’s why I am here”. It’s a part of my job. He gulped, it should have been me, because I am here to make impossible, possible. He grinned at me and said “Best of Luck”. I better knew, that it was indeed required.
I am sorry but I have been noticing only girls, but couldn’t take my eyes off them too. So what do I observe, coming out of a team ,where no one was motivated enough to put a kajal also , seeing people with so much of make-up, gave me little shocks. But I reassured myself saying, I was a part of this world an year before, I survived and was successful, that’s the reason I am back here, saying I can manage.
But at the same time, I also was threatened, don’t change yourself, you have to change others and I have been given ultimate back up support on that ground, to change others, so that I don’t change.
Of all the things, I met one of the colleague, I greeted him, “how are you? He replied, was really politely “I forget where I met you earlier?” I smiled and said, “I was a part of the meeting last Thursday”…he sighed….”aaahhh, your dressing style was very different that day”……I wondered how, I was in black kurta and today I was in pink…, I smiled to myself, thinking I have no response on this!
I deviated from observations and landed up somewhere else. Anyways one thing i realized was Delhiite’s follow one policy absolutely right “RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN”
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Past cant be changed, but the future lies in my hand!
We used to meet once in an year during our college days, I had a habit of looking at his mobile, flipping the messages, photos and ring tones and once his wall paper was a photo of some girl and I freaked out asking “ oye kaun hai yeh?” He said “ Shreya” and with swollen face I said “ hhmmmm” and put back the mobile and kept thinking and then finally I couldn’t resist and asked “ is that your girlfriend in the mobile wallpaper?” he grinned and replied “ Tamil heroine hai”.
I was waiting at the Delhi airport for him. He called and said ship has arrived at Mumbai port and I reached Delhi airport even before he could board his flight from Mumbai to Delhi.
I stood there waiting, when he called and said “ shona just three more hours, I will be there with you”. I replied “ I am already waiting at airport” and we hung up.
As I was waiting I was reminded of the day, when he called and said “ I have cleared the interview for marine engineer, they want me to sign a bond of four years involving few trips and start my journey next week. I said, “Can we meet and talk?” I knew if we would talk more over the phone, it would land up to a fight.
We met at GIP, pind balluchi, I reached directly from office and was in formals. He was somewhere near Noida as a part of marketing cum sales job, so managed to squeeze in time and meet there.
We ordered for food, rather we don’t need to order, the service people would automatically bring, as we had been there for so many times that they would know what we usually order. I was working on the laptop while he kept looking outside the window and when food arrived, I shut it and we started having food. So I started “ haan abhi batao”. He knew I would start and so I did, after all we met to discuss the topic.
He said “ kya bataun? Wohi bataya na, cleared the interview, bas aur kya?” I said, “ so what have you decided?” he looked at me with shock “ decide ka kya hai? I told you pehle hi I am giving interview for interview experience”. Somewhere at heart, we both knew, it was great necessity for him to get a better job. He wanted because he was not satisfied in the current and I wanted because my parents wouldn’t want me to get married to a person in fieldwork profile. Well marine engineer would not be preferred too, because I remember when my parents were looking out for a guy for my sister, if some one would say guy is marine engineer, would you look for your daughter? My mom would immediately say “No”. I also would be part of it and make fun “haan wohh 6 mahine ship pe hoga, tab yeh tumhari jaan khaegi, rehne do”.
Coming back to reality I was harsh but I said “ I hope you realize what you are earning now is too less, and after marriage , no families would be supporting us monetarily” . He looked at me asking “so? You want me to live away from you, just because we need to earn well?” I was blank and replied “I can live without you, for few years , if its for our better future” . He sighed and again looked out of the glass window and said “ theek hai , kal I ll go and sign the bond, I bet you will regret for having said this”…..we planned to meet next day and decide the plans for next week for his packing and all.
He lived there six months, without any communications, or very few. I focused on my career and worked harder to save money and studied further to keep myself occupied. Every now and then parents wanted me to see and a guy and he had said before leaving “don’t revolt and see if you like some one, because living life with a marine engineer would not be easy” and I had shouted “you are mad, I don’t want you to go, so that I can marry someone else and settle, its for our future, you are going to join”.
But I had to see guys and would cry day and night, thinking how do I handle things and answer to my parents “no” and state what reasons. Finally the first six months was over and he had come back. We talked to both are families; we had saved in money that we could do a decent wedding, without troubling our parents. But wedding plans had taken away the entire six months and we got married, 10 days before his next journey. We got married and we got involved in packing and planning for things required for next 6 months. Still I didn’t realize anything. I had convinced families that I would live these six months at my parents place though it was hard to convince, and finally today I was waiting for him, regretting why at all I told him to go and join as a “marine engineer”.
So here I was, now for the first time, going to live a life of married women. I had dressed up, as he would like me to. I was wearing a simple dull shaded, white suit, kurta with small blue flowered prints, with the chain (which we south Indian girls have to wear after marriage) and a watch he had gifted me on our wedding. When I saw him coming, I realized he had grown up. He looked mature than I had seen him last. He gave a tight hug and said “ you are looking pretty as ever.” I was broken and almost crying and whispered “ I missed you” but his voice was strong and clear “ I missed you too”. I didn’t want to show my weakness and made fun of him “mera motu , smart lagne laga hai”.
While he was driving, (well he had so much of ego that he cant let me drive when I am sitting right next to him) I knew this, and may be it was for this ego that I fell in love with him. And as ever, I found his mobile in my hands, so I started looking at it. It had a photo of mine, of my college days, which he used to love. I looked at him, he laughed “ kya dekh rahi hai?” I showed the picture to him and asked “ in this your girlfriend in the mobile wallpaper?”……………
I regretted my decision as he had said, but I learnt one thing, there is no turning back in life. I can change the things of future but not the past decision. I decided to be happy with the decision I took for us and live the moments, which I get with him and after all it was for our better future.
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
I was waiting at the Delhi airport for him. He called and said ship has arrived at Mumbai port and I reached Delhi airport even before he could board his flight from Mumbai to Delhi.
I stood there waiting, when he called and said “ shona just three more hours, I will be there with you”. I replied “ I am already waiting at airport” and we hung up.
As I was waiting I was reminded of the day, when he called and said “ I have cleared the interview for marine engineer, they want me to sign a bond of four years involving few trips and start my journey next week. I said, “Can we meet and talk?” I knew if we would talk more over the phone, it would land up to a fight.
We met at GIP, pind balluchi, I reached directly from office and was in formals. He was somewhere near Noida as a part of marketing cum sales job, so managed to squeeze in time and meet there.
We ordered for food, rather we don’t need to order, the service people would automatically bring, as we had been there for so many times that they would know what we usually order. I was working on the laptop while he kept looking outside the window and when food arrived, I shut it and we started having food. So I started “ haan abhi batao”. He knew I would start and so I did, after all we met to discuss the topic.
He said “ kya bataun? Wohi bataya na, cleared the interview, bas aur kya?” I said, “ so what have you decided?” he looked at me with shock “ decide ka kya hai? I told you pehle hi I am giving interview for interview experience”. Somewhere at heart, we both knew, it was great necessity for him to get a better job. He wanted because he was not satisfied in the current and I wanted because my parents wouldn’t want me to get married to a person in fieldwork profile. Well marine engineer would not be preferred too, because I remember when my parents were looking out for a guy for my sister, if some one would say guy is marine engineer, would you look for your daughter? My mom would immediately say “No”. I also would be part of it and make fun “haan wohh 6 mahine ship pe hoga, tab yeh tumhari jaan khaegi, rehne do”.
Coming back to reality I was harsh but I said “ I hope you realize what you are earning now is too less, and after marriage , no families would be supporting us monetarily” . He looked at me asking “so? You want me to live away from you, just because we need to earn well?” I was blank and replied “I can live without you, for few years , if its for our better future” . He sighed and again looked out of the glass window and said “ theek hai , kal I ll go and sign the bond, I bet you will regret for having said this”…..we planned to meet next day and decide the plans for next week for his packing and all.
He lived there six months, without any communications, or very few. I focused on my career and worked harder to save money and studied further to keep myself occupied. Every now and then parents wanted me to see and a guy and he had said before leaving “don’t revolt and see if you like some one, because living life with a marine engineer would not be easy” and I had shouted “you are mad, I don’t want you to go, so that I can marry someone else and settle, its for our future, you are going to join”.
But I had to see guys and would cry day and night, thinking how do I handle things and answer to my parents “no” and state what reasons. Finally the first six months was over and he had come back. We talked to both are families; we had saved in money that we could do a decent wedding, without troubling our parents. But wedding plans had taken away the entire six months and we got married, 10 days before his next journey. We got married and we got involved in packing and planning for things required for next 6 months. Still I didn’t realize anything. I had convinced families that I would live these six months at my parents place though it was hard to convince, and finally today I was waiting for him, regretting why at all I told him to go and join as a “marine engineer”.
So here I was, now for the first time, going to live a life of married women. I had dressed up, as he would like me to. I was wearing a simple dull shaded, white suit, kurta with small blue flowered prints, with the chain (which we south Indian girls have to wear after marriage) and a watch he had gifted me on our wedding. When I saw him coming, I realized he had grown up. He looked mature than I had seen him last. He gave a tight hug and said “ you are looking pretty as ever.” I was broken and almost crying and whispered “ I missed you” but his voice was strong and clear “ I missed you too”. I didn’t want to show my weakness and made fun of him “mera motu , smart lagne laga hai”.
While he was driving, (well he had so much of ego that he cant let me drive when I am sitting right next to him) I knew this, and may be it was for this ego that I fell in love with him. And as ever, I found his mobile in my hands, so I started looking at it. It had a photo of mine, of my college days, which he used to love. I looked at him, he laughed “ kya dekh rahi hai?” I showed the picture to him and asked “ in this your girlfriend in the mobile wallpaper?”……………
I regretted my decision as he had said, but I learnt one thing, there is no turning back in life. I can change the things of future but not the past decision. I decided to be happy with the decision I took for us and live the moments, which I get with him and after all it was for our better future.
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
Monday, August 1, 2011
What should i do?
I stood there near the reading window of mine, in my golden Saree, looking at the silver moon shining in the sky. Moon was my best friend. I spoke it, I hated, I fought with it, and I wrote blogs on it. I used to look at it when I was alone.
As I was looking at it, I went back to the memory of the day, when I was talking to him and he said, “I am in the 9th floor of the flat, looking out of the French window”. He said, “it’s raining and moon is looking so pretty, playing hide and seek with the clouds”. As usual I cribbed, “I am sitting inside office, and I can’t go out and all windows have been sheeted and so many people around that I can’t see the moon, don’t irritate me”. He used to love the tantrums I threw and said, “Let me suggest something”. I knew it would be one of the bad ideas of the earth that he can come up with. He said “go and look at yourself in the mirror”. I was quiet, and didn’t understand what he said, took time to recall and understand, as I didn’t expect something like this from him.
There was a knock at the door. I looked out and it was Vishal standing there, with the modest smile on his face as ever. I looked at him and smiled back. Vishal knew my nerves and would have understood I was thinking about him. He knew I loved talking about him also. So he asked me “thinking about him”. I could feel the lump in my throat. I was controlling my tears hard and nodded saying, “Yes”. I looked up at him and said, “main is rishte ko sachai ki buniyaad pe shuru karna chahti hun”. He didn’t say anything, came near me and we both stood near the window watching the moon. He said “ your fiancé got fierce at the thought of you going out with dinner with me, and you think he would be able to take up this talk on your relationship? What is it that you want to tell him? There was guy in your life, who had hurt you so much, because of his problems and so you got the courage to face all difficulties? Don’t give me all this crap Riya; he moved back, come on wind up, everyone is waiting for you downstairs.” I couldn’t speak yet I spoke “you are right. Wooh bhi yehi kehta ta, jhoot bolna galat hai, par chupana nahi.He fumed up at this when he heard me saying Wooh bhi yehi kehta tha. He shouted “Will you stop this!!!!!!!, he hardly cares about you, if he would have, aaj who hota neeche, tumhara intazaar karte hue”. I looked at him and tears were falling down my cheek.
Yes today is my D-day. My death day. I hated this institution of marriages and that too an arranged marriage. I wasn’t over of the nightmares of such things that I was forced to do one. Vishal my best friend knew everything. He knew he would have to face all this as well.
He came near me and said “you know what? You are looking like an angel, and it’s not you who is the loser, but he. You must be one of those lucky people to get a person like Nitin as a life-partner. Nitin is a very good guy”. “Importantly you parents would be happy, look at the happiness in their eyes, that's what you always wanted right?”.
With tears falling I nodded “Yes, you are right", bringing back the smile, laughed saying "let me get back to my positivity syndrome.” As soon as we both turned back to go and join others in wedding hall, I was frozen to death when I saw Nitin standing right at the door. I wanted to clutch Vishal’s hand fiercely as I am used, when I am terribly scared and realized I have committed some mistake. I didn’t because I knew Nitin Hated that.
I didn’t say anything, but my dearest friend Vishal, must give credit to his courage to break the silence, said, “So all set, shall we go downstairs? And by the way yaar tu yeh bata bachelors party kab dega?” I tried bringing smile on my face. But Nitin’s face was cold without any response which otherwise is very expressive. Nitin replied cold, I want to talk to her alone for a moment Vishal. Vishal looked at me and winked, and said All right and tried joking "I will listen with my ears at the door". I felt Nitin was insulting Vishal, wanted to say, Vishal knows everything about me, more than you, what privacy are you wanting, but like a drunk person, mind was thinking everything but was not able to implement my responses. And I absolutely knew Vishal would even hear from door, if he felt that was necessary. He was crazy. And that was what had made us so good friends. He loved my craziness and I loved his stupidity.
All of a sudden, don’t know what Nitin felt, he said, “ in fact Vishal, there is nothing to hide from you, so I guess it is better you should be here along with us.” I felt very confused what is that this guy is wanting at this last minute of the hour? I hated last minute things in important things. Nitin said loudly, ever more loudly I have heard of him. He said “Let me introduce you to my friend Ritesh. Ritesh please come in.”. I stood there numb; looking from Nitin to Ritesh. I didn’t know what to say. I knew Vishal wouldn’t say anything. He knew I talked about my past, but he never knew his name was Ritesh and have never seen him either.
Nitin broke the silence this time, you guys were talking about him few minutes back and looked at me and asked “why are you silent now?” Ritesh was staring at me, with his eyes almost red, I knew he would have been drunk the days before, had he been aware of my wedding. I didn’t inform him though. Vishal looked at me confused. I said “its him Vishal”. I don’t know what he felt, he moved out of the room.
Tears started falling down my cheek. Didn’t know what to say. I knew my parents would disown me, if this marriage stops. I had hidden this secret from Nitin not because I wanted to hide, but I felt that was right to do. I turned my back to window and started crying loudly confused.
Suddenly someone came in front of me and tried moving my hands from my face. I looked up crying and it was Nitin. I broke out “ Nitin, I wanted to tell you everything, but !!!!” He brought his hands and wiping tears said, “ I am sorry”. I was confused thinking I should be the one saying sorry, replied “Nitin don’t embarrass me by saying sorry”. He replied “ I read your diary that day when I was waiting for you at your office reception, kept in your bag. I was looking for a novel which you usually keep and caught a glimpse of it, and couldn’t resist reading”. He went on “I knew why you have hidden everything and I know you truly love me as well your parents.” Why Ritesh is here is not because you love him, but I know what it means to see ones beloved getting married to someone else. I wish I had the courage to stop Preeti, my first love, my life from getting married. I wish I had the courage to go and tell her parents, I loved her and wanted to marry her, I couldn’t Riya and we both lost our love. She moved on, I tried hard, and I am still trying. When you came in my life, I thought life has given me all what I wanted, but deep within my heart I regretted for having lost my first love”.
I broke out crying wondering why ever did Nitin hide this from me? I would have helped him prove him wrong or may be my respect for him would have increased or may be, that would have given me an opportunity to tell something about me, which I otherwise hesitant about. Probably then I realized that we both waited for other to say something.
I sat on the bed and besides me stood the two people I loved the most…………
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
As I was looking at it, I went back to the memory of the day, when I was talking to him and he said, “I am in the 9th floor of the flat, looking out of the French window”. He said, “it’s raining and moon is looking so pretty, playing hide and seek with the clouds”. As usual I cribbed, “I am sitting inside office, and I can’t go out and all windows have been sheeted and so many people around that I can’t see the moon, don’t irritate me”. He used to love the tantrums I threw and said, “Let me suggest something”. I knew it would be one of the bad ideas of the earth that he can come up with. He said “go and look at yourself in the mirror”. I was quiet, and didn’t understand what he said, took time to recall and understand, as I didn’t expect something like this from him.
There was a knock at the door. I looked out and it was Vishal standing there, with the modest smile on his face as ever. I looked at him and smiled back. Vishal knew my nerves and would have understood I was thinking about him. He knew I loved talking about him also. So he asked me “thinking about him”. I could feel the lump in my throat. I was controlling my tears hard and nodded saying, “Yes”. I looked up at him and said, “main is rishte ko sachai ki buniyaad pe shuru karna chahti hun”. He didn’t say anything, came near me and we both stood near the window watching the moon. He said “ your fiancé got fierce at the thought of you going out with dinner with me, and you think he would be able to take up this talk on your relationship? What is it that you want to tell him? There was guy in your life, who had hurt you so much, because of his problems and so you got the courage to face all difficulties? Don’t give me all this crap Riya; he moved back, come on wind up, everyone is waiting for you downstairs.” I couldn’t speak yet I spoke “you are right. Wooh bhi yehi kehta ta, jhoot bolna galat hai, par chupana nahi.He fumed up at this when he heard me saying Wooh bhi yehi kehta tha. He shouted “Will you stop this!!!!!!!, he hardly cares about you, if he would have, aaj who hota neeche, tumhara intazaar karte hue”. I looked at him and tears were falling down my cheek.
Yes today is my D-day. My death day. I hated this institution of marriages and that too an arranged marriage. I wasn’t over of the nightmares of such things that I was forced to do one. Vishal my best friend knew everything. He knew he would have to face all this as well.
He came near me and said “you know what? You are looking like an angel, and it’s not you who is the loser, but he. You must be one of those lucky people to get a person like Nitin as a life-partner. Nitin is a very good guy”. “Importantly you parents would be happy, look at the happiness in their eyes, that's what you always wanted right?”.
With tears falling I nodded “Yes, you are right", bringing back the smile, laughed saying "let me get back to my positivity syndrome.” As soon as we both turned back to go and join others in wedding hall, I was frozen to death when I saw Nitin standing right at the door. I wanted to clutch Vishal’s hand fiercely as I am used, when I am terribly scared and realized I have committed some mistake. I didn’t because I knew Nitin Hated that.
I didn’t say anything, but my dearest friend Vishal, must give credit to his courage to break the silence, said, “So all set, shall we go downstairs? And by the way yaar tu yeh bata bachelors party kab dega?” I tried bringing smile on my face. But Nitin’s face was cold without any response which otherwise is very expressive. Nitin replied cold, I want to talk to her alone for a moment Vishal. Vishal looked at me and winked, and said All right and tried joking "I will listen with my ears at the door". I felt Nitin was insulting Vishal, wanted to say, Vishal knows everything about me, more than you, what privacy are you wanting, but like a drunk person, mind was thinking everything but was not able to implement my responses. And I absolutely knew Vishal would even hear from door, if he felt that was necessary. He was crazy. And that was what had made us so good friends. He loved my craziness and I loved his stupidity.
All of a sudden, don’t know what Nitin felt, he said, “ in fact Vishal, there is nothing to hide from you, so I guess it is better you should be here along with us.” I felt very confused what is that this guy is wanting at this last minute of the hour? I hated last minute things in important things. Nitin said loudly, ever more loudly I have heard of him. He said “Let me introduce you to my friend Ritesh. Ritesh please come in.”. I stood there numb; looking from Nitin to Ritesh. I didn’t know what to say. I knew Vishal wouldn’t say anything. He knew I talked about my past, but he never knew his name was Ritesh and have never seen him either.
Nitin broke the silence this time, you guys were talking about him few minutes back and looked at me and asked “why are you silent now?” Ritesh was staring at me, with his eyes almost red, I knew he would have been drunk the days before, had he been aware of my wedding. I didn’t inform him though. Vishal looked at me confused. I said “its him Vishal”. I don’t know what he felt, he moved out of the room.
Tears started falling down my cheek. Didn’t know what to say. I knew my parents would disown me, if this marriage stops. I had hidden this secret from Nitin not because I wanted to hide, but I felt that was right to do. I turned my back to window and started crying loudly confused.
Suddenly someone came in front of me and tried moving my hands from my face. I looked up crying and it was Nitin. I broke out “ Nitin, I wanted to tell you everything, but !!!!” He brought his hands and wiping tears said, “ I am sorry”. I was confused thinking I should be the one saying sorry, replied “Nitin don’t embarrass me by saying sorry”. He replied “ I read your diary that day when I was waiting for you at your office reception, kept in your bag. I was looking for a novel which you usually keep and caught a glimpse of it, and couldn’t resist reading”. He went on “I knew why you have hidden everything and I know you truly love me as well your parents.” Why Ritesh is here is not because you love him, but I know what it means to see ones beloved getting married to someone else. I wish I had the courage to stop Preeti, my first love, my life from getting married. I wish I had the courage to go and tell her parents, I loved her and wanted to marry her, I couldn’t Riya and we both lost our love. She moved on, I tried hard, and I am still trying. When you came in my life, I thought life has given me all what I wanted, but deep within my heart I regretted for having lost my first love”.
I broke out crying wondering why ever did Nitin hide this from me? I would have helped him prove him wrong or may be my respect for him would have increased or may be, that would have given me an opportunity to tell something about me, which I otherwise hesitant about. Probably then I realized that we both waited for other to say something.
I sat on the bed and besides me stood the two people I loved the most…………
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Positivity syndrome
It’s been long that I wrote something. Or let me put it differently it’s been long that I was in frustration or I felt lonely. Off late I had tried to put myself into a positivity disease, don’t know if it is right to put the word disease, let’s call positivity syndrome, yes I was into it!
Thanks to people close to me, who brought me down to earth. I lost the positivity syndrome that I fell down shattered to earth back. The first thought that came to my mind is “it is Sin to be born as girl”. And yes today’s topic is again going to be on the topic I write when I am utterly frustrated, Yes the TOPIC of marriages. A thing that suddenly came to my mind now is “marriages are made in heaven”. Right they are made in heaven to make the girls’ parents reach to a state of hell.
Let me start from the scratch. It is a problem if I don’t want to get married. My parents are not going to spare me. All emotional dramas on scale, dad has retired, he is a heart patient. In few years “mehengayi itni badh jaegi “, we won’t be able to do a decent marriage”………………all crap, but I have to take them, because they are a part of “Emotional atyachar by parents”
I say a Yes forcibly to get married. All bigger drama’s starts now. A funny looking guy would come and I am supposed to say what? Of course I am not going to say a yes. Parents please, you have lived your life, let me live my life. I want to take a right decision. Believe me these funny looking guys won’t be just one, but many that one has to see and say a bloody “NO”, and you have to do lot of Emotional scenes to say that because every time one has to say a no, an easy question posed would be “why not”. What an easy question. I don’t have an answer but I only know it’s a NO-NO!!!!!!!!!
Ohk finally assuming it’s the right person. Two scenarios, either you find the guy yourself-a love marriage or an arranged marriage. I have already discussed the difference between these two in my earlier blogs, so not going to discuss on that lines.
These days bloody love marriages are equal to arranged marriages because as soon you talk about marriages to a guy “I can’t do a marriage without acceptance from my family”. “You bloody A**, why did you love me when you wanted an acceptance from all?”
Who don’t give acceptance? When it’s a love marriage, believe me the tantrums thrown by guys family is far more than arranged, because they know ultimately the marriage has to happen because of so called “LOVE”. Well arranged marriages are no less. No I am not criticizing anyone because everything happens in the name of “ sharstram and sampradayam”.
I wish I get the person who ones started, would like to kill the person so that usse kabhi mukti hi na mile. Bhatak bhatak ke uski aatma dekhe what are the results of bloody traditions they created and how people are misusing them.
Forget about the in-laws, it’s more often the own family that creates the problem. Go and beg to each family member “mere beti ki shadi hai, please aajana” . and aaj kal it doesn’t end at aajaiye pls, it goes like,” for when should I book your tickets for”, requesting them the dates.……………..I freak out at such things?????aakar phokat ka khana khaayen, and we got to book their tickets also for that?????Forget it man. If you want to come, please come or get lost. No my mom would scold me at this thought. Scoldings would be irrelevant. Something like this. “You need people”. Why? So that they come 10 days before the wedding to their shopping’s and site seeing and our house becomes their guest house, where they get food also for free. All this because they have come for the daughters’ wedding.
And of all the things the funny looking guy doesn’t know anything that happens. Yes funny looking; only difference was I would have said a bloody yes for him, which I didn’t for others. And after all the begging and cribbing happens, at the wedding, all those who would have come and would be hogging like a pig. Go and ask them name of the bride or the groom, hardly twenty percent would know, yet they are hogging.
The ending of the story, my parents would have shelled lakhs of money, or rather their entire savings to make me a slave of this funny looking guy. Why wouldn’t he be happy. He has got a maid for lifetime dude, PHOKAT me kaam karne wali bai jo mil gayi, phokat for him but not for girls parents. A maid who would look after his family, his house, his kids and of course him
Ohk after putting down all my frustration, I am back to my positivity syndrome “marriages are made in heaven”.
Thanks to people close to me, who brought me down to earth. I lost the positivity syndrome that I fell down shattered to earth back. The first thought that came to my mind is “it is Sin to be born as girl”. And yes today’s topic is again going to be on the topic I write when I am utterly frustrated, Yes the TOPIC of marriages. A thing that suddenly came to my mind now is “marriages are made in heaven”. Right they are made in heaven to make the girls’ parents reach to a state of hell.
Let me start from the scratch. It is a problem if I don’t want to get married. My parents are not going to spare me. All emotional dramas on scale, dad has retired, he is a heart patient. In few years “mehengayi itni badh jaegi “, we won’t be able to do a decent marriage”………………all crap, but I have to take them, because they are a part of “Emotional atyachar by parents”
I say a Yes forcibly to get married. All bigger drama’s starts now. A funny looking guy would come and I am supposed to say what? Of course I am not going to say a yes. Parents please, you have lived your life, let me live my life. I want to take a right decision. Believe me these funny looking guys won’t be just one, but many that one has to see and say a bloody “NO”, and you have to do lot of Emotional scenes to say that because every time one has to say a no, an easy question posed would be “why not”. What an easy question. I don’t have an answer but I only know it’s a NO-NO!!!!!!!!!
Ohk finally assuming it’s the right person. Two scenarios, either you find the guy yourself-a love marriage or an arranged marriage. I have already discussed the difference between these two in my earlier blogs, so not going to discuss on that lines.
These days bloody love marriages are equal to arranged marriages because as soon you talk about marriages to a guy “I can’t do a marriage without acceptance from my family”. “You bloody A**, why did you love me when you wanted an acceptance from all?”
Who don’t give acceptance? When it’s a love marriage, believe me the tantrums thrown by guys family is far more than arranged, because they know ultimately the marriage has to happen because of so called “LOVE”. Well arranged marriages are no less. No I am not criticizing anyone because everything happens in the name of “ sharstram and sampradayam”.
I wish I get the person who ones started, would like to kill the person so that usse kabhi mukti hi na mile. Bhatak bhatak ke uski aatma dekhe what are the results of bloody traditions they created and how people are misusing them.
Forget about the in-laws, it’s more often the own family that creates the problem. Go and beg to each family member “mere beti ki shadi hai, please aajana” . and aaj kal it doesn’t end at aajaiye pls, it goes like,” for when should I book your tickets for”, requesting them the dates.……………..I freak out at such things?????aakar phokat ka khana khaayen, and we got to book their tickets also for that?????Forget it man. If you want to come, please come or get lost. No my mom would scold me at this thought. Scoldings would be irrelevant. Something like this. “You need people”. Why? So that they come 10 days before the wedding to their shopping’s and site seeing and our house becomes their guest house, where they get food also for free. All this because they have come for the daughters’ wedding.
And of all the things the funny looking guy doesn’t know anything that happens. Yes funny looking; only difference was I would have said a bloody yes for him, which I didn’t for others. And after all the begging and cribbing happens, at the wedding, all those who would have come and would be hogging like a pig. Go and ask them name of the bride or the groom, hardly twenty percent would know, yet they are hogging.
The ending of the story, my parents would have shelled lakhs of money, or rather their entire savings to make me a slave of this funny looking guy. Why wouldn’t he be happy. He has got a maid for lifetime dude, PHOKAT me kaam karne wali bai jo mil gayi, phokat for him but not for girls parents. A maid who would look after his family, his house, his kids and of course him
Ohk after putting down all my frustration, I am back to my positivity syndrome “marriages are made in heaven”.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Passerby
As usual the early morning started, I kept waiting for him, there comes his car, and he got down with his basket of grains for pigeon. Without missing a day in his life, early in the morning, he would put grains in the triangular footpath in the crossing. And day long, pigeons would fly and eat them, go back and again come back, so the life for me starts looking at this event.
Have been witnessing thousands of passerby, College students, parents with their children, old couples, who remember their older time in the olden days cafe, which are slowly being replaced by modern day restaurants, but yet it the oldness of this place is that they are fond of.There are some passerby who are very special for me.
I remember it was three years back that a young girl and a guy, who looked like college students came walking around the place. The girl was eating ice cream, and constantly talking. The guy was expressionless, yet listening to her, or maybe she thought he heard her. And all of a sudden she stopped in that cross by where pigeons were there, she handed the ice cream to the guy and ran in between , with full speed, flying away the pigeons, she didn’t hurt them , but was amused by doing this activity. The guy could do nothing but laugh and took a bite from the ice cream, looking here and there at people embarrassed, or may be happy. I was wondering if they are friends or in relationship because there was some uniqueness in them unlike all others whom I see. But if they were, they would have been together to this place at least one more time as many other young couple of their age does. But they both never returned together. They can’t be husband and wife, for they were so young as a couple. They didn’t look alike also to say they were brother and sister.
Three years passed, events kept happening one after the other. Delhi had witnessed common wealth games, and today again I saw that girl. She had grown matured, she was standing near her car waiting for someone, but her expressions which were childlike were lost. She was sad, or rather not happy with her life. She stood near the car and was looking at the same place. I wondered if she was also reminded of the incident where she had flown away so many pigeons, or if she was thinking something else. When I was thinking, I saw tears tricking down her cheeks, I confirmed she was reminded of the same incident too. Suddenly her mom came; she wiped the tears and drove the car with a fake smile.
Six months passed by, now I saw the guy. He was walking with his friends, today he was laughing loud and talking a lot unlike the three years before; He stood there for few seconds, watching the pigeons. He forgot the world around him and kept looking when suddenly a friend came back, shook him, made fun of him that he returned to the life. This was the time I confirmed, yes they were in love, they still are, but they don’t understand that, may be they do. But if they were in love, they would have been together to this place at least one more time than the last incident as many other young couple of their age does. But they never returned here together.
After 10 years of this incident, I had grown old, with my vision reducing , I was able to see just the next pillar and hear less of the birds flying but I saw a 5 year old girl running to fly away the pigeons, she was followed by her little brother, catching her behind. I cried my heart as the girl and the boy reminded me of the young couple who had come just once and never returned together. As I was thinking this, I saw the girl and the boy running and hugging their parents screaming mummy and papa and the mummy and papa were none other than the young couple whose incident I had witnessed 13 years ago!
Blessed them a beautiful life as I wondered if I would be alive when they return next time, and I wished they always should come together like I first saw them and not alone with tears in their eyes!
Note: The narrator of the story is the pillar at Connaught place called as CP, which is considered as a heritage by all Delhiites, and is a place which adds to the glory of the capital city. Every individual who would call themselves a Delhiite would certainly have some memories associated with this heritage.
Long live CP; long live the love stories of this place :-)
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Coincidences happen!
I am in this new world because of my nature to experiment with things, to challenge the life. Don’t know if it’s for good or bad, I am here.
Europe, a world I have been fantasizing about since the time I have seen Kajol and Sharukh khan’s Dil wale Dulhaniya le jaenge. I never wanted my story to be like that, you never know it might be one, but to see Europe was a passion since then.
Today was the first weekend. I had read in namesake book, where googol goes out with a map, looking at things. I wanted to do something similar. I saw the maps and told Priya I am going out. Luckily or unluckily , I reached halfway and realized, I forgot the map……..no don’t worry, I would have freaked out, if the way would have been long, but this distance was so short from place I was living that, I thought, ohk lemme just hang around and explore.
I saw a big supermarket kind of store in front of me. Thought let me go and check out something. I hanged around and finally I went up to pick the favorite things of mine. My first and last love and I guess the only love “Chocolates” .As I did and stood at the billing counter, I realized, I had forgotten my wallet somewhere, I went back and searched few places, and luckily got in one. And then when I was standing, a young boy came and kissed me and said “you look pretty” and I was smiling. And then suddenly everything that was in my hands fell. Things were messy, I thought I am extremely tired, and I should go back home.
When I was going back home, from far I saw someone coming, a face so familiar, I knew it was him, it was Rahul. I started moving ahead in his direction and he was moving faster towards me. Then I stopped at the signal to cross the road, when he just crossed across me, and winked at me. I didn’t know how to respond? Should I be happy that I saw him after so many years, that too in this unknown world where I didn’t expect to meet him, or be sad for the very same reason? Before these thoughts ended in my mind, I turned to call him, and found no one was there. I was smiling, I realized I was hallucinating. I went to my home, temporary home, where everyone was planning something and was shocked to see to back so soon.
As soon as I reached home, Prem, mocked at me, “I am going out, tell her the plan for tonight” and he went out. Prem is my best friend and Priya’s brother. I am here because of the encouragement and inspiration he has given me. He hates me for being so good, and keeps shouting “ tujhe pata hai because you are so good, you get hurt in life”. Take life a little easy. When I go and tell him I don’t want to get married now, he would encourage me, “mat kar shadi, no one can force you to do that”, and if someone does, mera ek friend lawyer hai, we will take his help.” And I would shout “enough, I need to utter a world and you would give all possible solutions, just listen, just shut up and listen when I am tensed, I will find my own solutions by talking things, and he would put a finger on his mouth and laugh, I forget what I was talking also because of his stupid responses.
I looked at Priya taking things from the bag I got from the store, asking “what plans?”She was hesitating initially “yaar we were planning that we may go out for eemmm dinner”, I looked at her “eemmm dinner is a bad idea, I am not joining then”, I knew she was lying, and was trying to hide something. As soon as I said I am not coming, she knew Prem would fume up at not telling me the truth because it was his idea. She said “we are going to a disc”. I looked and said “a very bad idea indeed”, and went to keep things I bought in the place it should be. She shouted back “its Prem’s idea” I said “so what, idea is bad, whomsoever’s it is.” She didn’t know what to say. We cooked food, generally Priya is over the phone, and I am with the books or lappy doing office work. We both do a less of talking.
At 3 again, Prem pitched “you guys not ready?” I looked up and said I am not coming. Priya was ready in her one piece gown. His nautanki started, “see I wouldn’t have bothered, if you aren’t coming, but the entry for couples is free. Priya is coming with her Bf and I also wouldn’t be able to go, if you don’t come”, I smiled, what do you want to say? I said, I am not saying, I am requesting “please come along, I know you don’t drink, but you can always accompany us, right?” he knew I have never been to a disc in India itself, I said in europe?” he was like, “I can assure, people are decent and I am there with you anyways,” I said” that’s what I am scared about”. Finally I agreed, I got ready and joined them.
The moment we entered we all sat in a round table. Prem looked at Priya and then me. I said, go ahead and enjoy, I won’t come again to get you the entry. We ordered things to eat and then people started coming in. I realized the party was starting late, and if these guys would have told me that, I would have never joined in.
Music started banging on the head; they finished three to four bottles of hard drinks and getting me the soft drink along. I run away from English songs, but the party was organized by an Indian and that too a Punjabi, no doubt, Punjabi songs were to play. I was getting nervous if Prem and Priya and John, all would get too high, I even don’t know the way back home, or even the place I went inside dance floor searching for them.
I pulled back Prem, and brought him back to the table, and asked, I said I want to get back home. He was like “Why, just now we have started having fun”. He realized I was tensed, he understood my thoughts and said “you are thinking, if I get high, how would we go back home, right?”and said “ohk, I am not having any more drinks, I am just dancing, some more time and then we would get back home, ohk? I said “alright I am waiting”.
By the time I was waiting, I again saw Rahul entering. Already my mind was banging, and seeing him again here, made my thoughts go back to the thoughts of my past. I looked at Prem, he was thoroughly enjoying. And so were his sister and the friend. They both came back and john ordered in for some more drinks, two for two of them and asked me some name “ohk for you” I was so tensed that I said “hhhmm ohk” . I didn’t realize that he wasn’t aware that I don’t drink hard drinks and ordered one more me. I drank without realizing it. One more , one more and I finished , till I didn’t lose my sense. I went to Prem and we started dancing, and I saw him coming near me, I pointed him to Prem and said “ dekh who yahin hai”, as Prem was my best friend, he knew everything. And rest all is done.
I got up in the morning, it wasn’t Priya’s home, but she was next to me in the bed. My head was aching, I shouted “Priya get up”, where are we? I got to go to office.” She replied “Sunday hai, soa ja”. I said Prem “kahan hai? hum hain kahan?”. Priya replied “we are at his home, Prem must be in his room.
I went out looked at the Hall, with a dining room and open kitchen. I went near the kitchen opened the fridge and drank a bottle of water. And I heard Rahul saying “Hey Hi, good morning”. I looked at him confused “Hi John, seems my hangover is still not got over, and he asked “do I look like John?” I thought that was Prem and he looks like him because of hangover, I said “Prem sorry, mera itna headache ho raha hai, aaj kya day hai?” he said “Sunday”. I was like “thank god, by the way teri awaz bhi mujhe Rahul ki awaz ki tarah lag rahi hai, I will go mad, let me sleep for some more time. As I turned back to go to Priya’s room, I saw Prem and john coming out from other room.
I tightly closed my eyes, Prem shouted,” are you alright?”, I shouted, what was that drink, that John got for me?” he looked at John, and he said some name, and Prem shouted “God, she don’t drink Hard drinks” and I shouted “ was that one?”. Prem is like “chill maar , jo ho gaya so gaya”. I said “thanda paani lakar if you will pour on my head na, tab bhi I won’t be able to chill, you know what, I was already hallucinating about him and this hangover is worse. I am seeing him everywhere, I was able to hear his voice also now”, I turned back, pointing to the place where I saw Rahul “see I saw him, right there in the kitchen”. When I turned to Prem and john, Rahul also was standing with them, I was numb for few minutes, and they all were laughing madly.
I went near him, I touched him on his cheeks, I knew he was real; I gave him a real tight Slap. John and Prem stopped laughing. I gave Prem also a tight slap and went to the room where Priya with tears in my eyes.
She was like “ Aaj Sunday hai, so Ja”. I just didn’t know what I have to do. Prem came and woke Priya and said, Chal aaj Monday hai, he was still smiling looking at me. I asked “where are you taking her?” he smiled back “to pour a bottle of water, she won’t get away with this normally”.
And when Prem went out, he entered the room. I wanted to move out as well, Rahul caught my arm and pulled me back, I need to talk to you. I was really angry at him “anything left to talk? I don’t think so.” He was like I felt the same till last night, but not after hearing to what you were blabbering when you were drunk. Damn now I don’t remember what I was saying also. I snapped back, that may not be the truth, I was drunk, leave me, I got to go home.
And he said “you remember you used to say, a person says the truth when he is drunk” and wantedly you used to call me, when I used go out for drinks with friends. He instigated me to talk, I said “and you used to say, I don’t talk when I am drunk”. He started “but you have always been different from me, you cried like a baby yesterday”, I felt frustrated, “let me go, I don’t remember anything” and he shouted back, “then listen that’s what I want to tell you”. Prem opened the door “guys everything ohk ?” we both talked at the same time I said “ not ohk”, and he said “ ohk, leave us alone please” . I shouted, “Prem take me back home”, he said “let him talk, you talked your entire bit yesterday.” He said I am sorry, I thought you got married and that’s why never tried talking to you all these years. I didn’t speak anything. He wanted me to, but I knew talking a word means I would land up crying.
I had to be rude; he has hurt me so much. I had cried days and night, I troubled my family, I was running away from marriage, all this for a guy, who didn’t know how to fight his family, for him career was everything, who didn’t know what love meant. I suffered in all the embarrassments, all for just one things that I loved him. In return what I had got was, “I want to focus on my career, and we don’t have a future”.
I shouted back the same words “I want to focus on my career and we don’t have a future” and I moved out of the room crying and I wished I should never see him again in my life!
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
Europe, a world I have been fantasizing about since the time I have seen Kajol and Sharukh khan’s Dil wale Dulhaniya le jaenge. I never wanted my story to be like that, you never know it might be one, but to see Europe was a passion since then.
Today was the first weekend. I had read in namesake book, where googol goes out with a map, looking at things. I wanted to do something similar. I saw the maps and told Priya I am going out. Luckily or unluckily , I reached halfway and realized, I forgot the map……..no don’t worry, I would have freaked out, if the way would have been long, but this distance was so short from place I was living that, I thought, ohk lemme just hang around and explore.
I saw a big supermarket kind of store in front of me. Thought let me go and check out something. I hanged around and finally I went up to pick the favorite things of mine. My first and last love and I guess the only love “Chocolates” .As I did and stood at the billing counter, I realized, I had forgotten my wallet somewhere, I went back and searched few places, and luckily got in one. And then when I was standing, a young boy came and kissed me and said “you look pretty” and I was smiling. And then suddenly everything that was in my hands fell. Things were messy, I thought I am extremely tired, and I should go back home.
When I was going back home, from far I saw someone coming, a face so familiar, I knew it was him, it was Rahul. I started moving ahead in his direction and he was moving faster towards me. Then I stopped at the signal to cross the road, when he just crossed across me, and winked at me. I didn’t know how to respond? Should I be happy that I saw him after so many years, that too in this unknown world where I didn’t expect to meet him, or be sad for the very same reason? Before these thoughts ended in my mind, I turned to call him, and found no one was there. I was smiling, I realized I was hallucinating. I went to my home, temporary home, where everyone was planning something and was shocked to see to back so soon.
As soon as I reached home, Prem, mocked at me, “I am going out, tell her the plan for tonight” and he went out. Prem is my best friend and Priya’s brother. I am here because of the encouragement and inspiration he has given me. He hates me for being so good, and keeps shouting “ tujhe pata hai because you are so good, you get hurt in life”. Take life a little easy. When I go and tell him I don’t want to get married now, he would encourage me, “mat kar shadi, no one can force you to do that”, and if someone does, mera ek friend lawyer hai, we will take his help.” And I would shout “enough, I need to utter a world and you would give all possible solutions, just listen, just shut up and listen when I am tensed, I will find my own solutions by talking things, and he would put a finger on his mouth and laugh, I forget what I was talking also because of his stupid responses.
I looked at Priya taking things from the bag I got from the store, asking “what plans?”She was hesitating initially “yaar we were planning that we may go out for eemmm dinner”, I looked at her “eemmm dinner is a bad idea, I am not joining then”, I knew she was lying, and was trying to hide something. As soon as I said I am not coming, she knew Prem would fume up at not telling me the truth because it was his idea. She said “we are going to a disc”. I looked and said “a very bad idea indeed”, and went to keep things I bought in the place it should be. She shouted back “its Prem’s idea” I said “so what, idea is bad, whomsoever’s it is.” She didn’t know what to say. We cooked food, generally Priya is over the phone, and I am with the books or lappy doing office work. We both do a less of talking.
At 3 again, Prem pitched “you guys not ready?” I looked up and said I am not coming. Priya was ready in her one piece gown. His nautanki started, “see I wouldn’t have bothered, if you aren’t coming, but the entry for couples is free. Priya is coming with her Bf and I also wouldn’t be able to go, if you don’t come”, I smiled, what do you want to say? I said, I am not saying, I am requesting “please come along, I know you don’t drink, but you can always accompany us, right?” he knew I have never been to a disc in India itself, I said in europe?” he was like, “I can assure, people are decent and I am there with you anyways,” I said” that’s what I am scared about”. Finally I agreed, I got ready and joined them.
The moment we entered we all sat in a round table. Prem looked at Priya and then me. I said, go ahead and enjoy, I won’t come again to get you the entry. We ordered things to eat and then people started coming in. I realized the party was starting late, and if these guys would have told me that, I would have never joined in.
Music started banging on the head; they finished three to four bottles of hard drinks and getting me the soft drink along. I run away from English songs, but the party was organized by an Indian and that too a Punjabi, no doubt, Punjabi songs were to play. I was getting nervous if Prem and Priya and John, all would get too high, I even don’t know the way back home, or even the place I went inside dance floor searching for them.
I pulled back Prem, and brought him back to the table, and asked, I said I want to get back home. He was like “Why, just now we have started having fun”. He realized I was tensed, he understood my thoughts and said “you are thinking, if I get high, how would we go back home, right?”and said “ohk, I am not having any more drinks, I am just dancing, some more time and then we would get back home, ohk? I said “alright I am waiting”.
By the time I was waiting, I again saw Rahul entering. Already my mind was banging, and seeing him again here, made my thoughts go back to the thoughts of my past. I looked at Prem, he was thoroughly enjoying. And so were his sister and the friend. They both came back and john ordered in for some more drinks, two for two of them and asked me some name “ohk for you” I was so tensed that I said “hhhmm ohk” . I didn’t realize that he wasn’t aware that I don’t drink hard drinks and ordered one more me. I drank without realizing it. One more , one more and I finished , till I didn’t lose my sense. I went to Prem and we started dancing, and I saw him coming near me, I pointed him to Prem and said “ dekh who yahin hai”, as Prem was my best friend, he knew everything. And rest all is done.
I got up in the morning, it wasn’t Priya’s home, but she was next to me in the bed. My head was aching, I shouted “Priya get up”, where are we? I got to go to office.” She replied “Sunday hai, soa ja”. I said Prem “kahan hai? hum hain kahan?”. Priya replied “we are at his home, Prem must be in his room.
I went out looked at the Hall, with a dining room and open kitchen. I went near the kitchen opened the fridge and drank a bottle of water. And I heard Rahul saying “Hey Hi, good morning”. I looked at him confused “Hi John, seems my hangover is still not got over, and he asked “do I look like John?” I thought that was Prem and he looks like him because of hangover, I said “Prem sorry, mera itna headache ho raha hai, aaj kya day hai?” he said “Sunday”. I was like “thank god, by the way teri awaz bhi mujhe Rahul ki awaz ki tarah lag rahi hai, I will go mad, let me sleep for some more time. As I turned back to go to Priya’s room, I saw Prem and john coming out from other room.
I tightly closed my eyes, Prem shouted,” are you alright?”, I shouted, what was that drink, that John got for me?” he looked at John, and he said some name, and Prem shouted “God, she don’t drink Hard drinks” and I shouted “ was that one?”. Prem is like “chill maar , jo ho gaya so gaya”. I said “thanda paani lakar if you will pour on my head na, tab bhi I won’t be able to chill, you know what, I was already hallucinating about him and this hangover is worse. I am seeing him everywhere, I was able to hear his voice also now”, I turned back, pointing to the place where I saw Rahul “see I saw him, right there in the kitchen”. When I turned to Prem and john, Rahul also was standing with them, I was numb for few minutes, and they all were laughing madly.
I went near him, I touched him on his cheeks, I knew he was real; I gave him a real tight Slap. John and Prem stopped laughing. I gave Prem also a tight slap and went to the room where Priya with tears in my eyes.
She was like “ Aaj Sunday hai, so Ja”. I just didn’t know what I have to do. Prem came and woke Priya and said, Chal aaj Monday hai, he was still smiling looking at me. I asked “where are you taking her?” he smiled back “to pour a bottle of water, she won’t get away with this normally”.
And when Prem went out, he entered the room. I wanted to move out as well, Rahul caught my arm and pulled me back, I need to talk to you. I was really angry at him “anything left to talk? I don’t think so.” He was like I felt the same till last night, but not after hearing to what you were blabbering when you were drunk. Damn now I don’t remember what I was saying also. I snapped back, that may not be the truth, I was drunk, leave me, I got to go home.
And he said “you remember you used to say, a person says the truth when he is drunk” and wantedly you used to call me, when I used go out for drinks with friends. He instigated me to talk, I said “and you used to say, I don’t talk when I am drunk”. He started “but you have always been different from me, you cried like a baby yesterday”, I felt frustrated, “let me go, I don’t remember anything” and he shouted back, “then listen that’s what I want to tell you”. Prem opened the door “guys everything ohk ?” we both talked at the same time I said “ not ohk”, and he said “ ohk, leave us alone please” . I shouted, “Prem take me back home”, he said “let him talk, you talked your entire bit yesterday.” He said I am sorry, I thought you got married and that’s why never tried talking to you all these years. I didn’t speak anything. He wanted me to, but I knew talking a word means I would land up crying.
I had to be rude; he has hurt me so much. I had cried days and night, I troubled my family, I was running away from marriage, all this for a guy, who didn’t know how to fight his family, for him career was everything, who didn’t know what love meant. I suffered in all the embarrassments, all for just one things that I loved him. In return what I had got was, “I want to focus on my career, and we don’t have a future”.
I shouted back the same words “I want to focus on my career and we don’t have a future” and I moved out of the room crying and I wished I should never see him again in my life!
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
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