Am i Empowered?

It was a Friday morning. I walked off towards the bus stop to catch my bus to office. I saw a woman running behind her daughter, packing her school bags and lunch boxes. After the kid got into her school bus, few minutes later, similar scene was seen when she packed the lunch and ran behind her husband. Once he got into car she waved her hands, and I believe her husband hardly noticed that. She has dedicated her life for her family, although the decision making and dignity of the running the family still goes to the husband, who is called the bread winner of the family.


Soon I settled in the bus which then crossed a college, where all young girls were happily chirping around with the gang of guys, enjoying their life. They do not know what lies ahead for them, but all they know now is to enjoy their life. At times when I see these young girls enjoying their lives, I envy them. I wonder if I missed the fun which I should have done at that age of my life. Was I wrong to have spent my life, working hard to achieve some goals in my life. I never had time for unwanted diversions, and life ran with a focus, a focus about future, a focus to achieve something in life.


As I entered office, I saw in a conference room where all women along with few men, who all seemed to be a part of the senior management were attending a meeting. They don’t come just to work but are the decisions makers of the organizations.


After completing my work, when I took back the bus, there sat a woman and a man right before me. The man was shouting at his wife in Tamil, thinking others there wouldn’t understand. He was scolding the lady’s family members. She didn’t say anything but was quietly listening. My anger was shooting up the way he shouted at her and more at the way she sat quiet listening to him. I choose to get down at the next bus stop and take another bus as I was all alone at this place and to get into their personal arguments could have been a risky thing for me.


As the day ended, I was confused with the varied roles that women play today. There are those who are being suppressed by men even today. And then there are those who rub shoulders with men and run organizations. There are those who do not realize what their responsibilities are and then those who have dedicated their life for their families.


During the weekend, I attended a film festival. The Movies were about the problem that women today are facing and empowering such women. Soon when then film maker stood up for a discussion , I wondered is the way she described about the women the real scenario, or is she the way women today are, who are supporting by the families to work for the noble cause!


The confidence she had, the authenticity she had, the power she had, the dignity she had, the knowledge she had, the courage she had was all what the women in her documentary didn’t have to fight the world.


I wonder which role of women I am playing in my life. How empowered I am in my life as woman!

21st Century!

As I was in the cab on my way to airport, I looked up at sky, stars twinkling and the moon shining bright. I missed home where I would stand my balcony and admire the star studded sky.



As I reached airport I looked to my left and right wondering which way to go. This was my first ever departure from Bangalore airport. Had it been Delhi probably I would have walked across without noticing anything or anyone. But everything has a first time, once we learn we don’t do the same next time and so was this my first time to learn.


I had reached early due to my bad habit. Well yes according to the definition of this 21st century generation reaching early is a bad. After asking people here and there, where I had to check in, I realized I had to wait for some time for the counter to open. So I looked at other people waiting and saw two gentlemen sitting in two corners of a row with 5 seats vacant in between them. I choose to take the seat right at the center where the two men were sitting.


One who seemed in his early twenties who was dressed in shabby jeans and sweatshirt (Mr.21st century), with his headphone was watching an English movie in his laptop. The person on the other corner who was in his formal dress and blazers (Mr. Gen Old) vigorously was working on his laptop, probably for some presentation and looked completely serious and stressed.


Soon we all checked in and ironically they were both in same flight in which I was. Since it was early morning flight everyone walked towards cafeteria and so did I although I wasn’t that hungry. I grabbed coffee and try to get a seat somewhere in between so that I continue to observe Mr 21st century and Mr Gen old.


Mr 21st century hogged on a combo plate and Mr Gen old preferred some light food and continued to work. As we all got in the bus, the 21st century, was still with his headphone now was listening to song when the Gen old was over the phone talking to someone about some mails.


As I reached Pune, Mr 21st century stood near the conveyor belt besides me booking his cab on the phone and Mr Gen old, walked off his luggage which he already was carrying with himself.


Everyone went their way and I reached office for some fest which was going to take place. To my surprise or was it ironical or what I should call it I don’t know, I saw Mr 21st century in his formals, neatly dressed standing right there and so was Me Gen old there. I initially thought I was hallucinating because I was too tired; I pinched myself to realize I wasn’t dreaming. The fest began and I wondered the way they both reached which was for the same purpose.


Mr 21st century came to me and shook hand and asked “were you the one in spice jet in the morning”. I smiled and said “yes and I believe you were the one watching movie at the airport”. He grinned “didn’t know someone who is going to be here, was watching me”


I attended all the presentations and when everyone was free ,went and spoke to Mr Gen Old asking “Sir were you there in Spice jet in the morning today” to which I got a serious answer “hhhmmm”,which was more of a question than answer which seemed like “so what ?” . I just smiled and walked off. I thought to myself it was a wrong decision to go and talk to Mr Gen Old. Never mind everything has a first time, once we learn we don’t do the same next time and so was this my first time to learn.


As we all boarded our flights back to Bangalore, Mr Gen Old was seated in the middle where as Mr 21st century was seated in the last seat on the right corner window seat. I settled myself in the left corner window seat and we looked at each other and he asked “tired?” I said “Naaahhh, this is my first time when I am flying at night”. He smiled at me “Enjoy”. The flight took off and for the first time I saw from the sky, at the stars in twinkling on the earth below. I again missed home and wished if this flight goes and lands at Delhi airport!

Note: This blog is completely imaginative and has no relevance to any person in real.

City of Angels

I just stared reading the book Single in the city, in which the author described about how her life was in Delhi. Well as all the books I read, usually makes me write a blog, this worked too. It triggered me to switch my system on and start writing as I realized that my experiences in Bangalore were far more exciting than what author experienced in Delhi.



To begin with, I always travelled in my own car in Delhi; Rs. 500 in my wallet was enough, as I knew the petrol or gas worth Rs 500 would let me travel from any corner of Delhi to my home. My mom had given me strict instructions to hire a prepaid taxi once I land at Bangalore airport. Well the point to be noted here is, mom has never been to Bangalore but she knew that prepaid taxi here would be cheap and safe. I always followed her instructions and as soon I collected my luggage, a guy, smartly dressed, came and asked “Mam, prepaid taxi?” I nodded and he led me to a counter where I had to book the cab. He asked me the destination and I said “Electronic City”. The female at the counter started typing it hurriedly and took a slip out and smiled “Rs 2000 please”. I coughed and asked “I am sorry, how much?” she repeated coldly “Rs 2000”. I looked into my wallet, confident of the fact that I would not have more than Rs 500 cash and looked up and asked “do you accept cards?”, praying to god to save me, to which she replied “yes we do”. I sighed at it, wondering if my office would reimburse this amount or not. Nevertheless for the moment I was saved because they accepted the card. I was sure that my bank account had that much money as it was just the 4th day of the month.

Lesson #1: Carrying just Rs 500 in my wallet is not going to let me reach home, because I don’t use my car anymore, I am dependent on public transport in this city of angels!



Back at home, I knew all the roads and ways, so I never asked anyone for the same. The thought that comes to my mind is Delhi men hate when a female drives a car, and I don’t mind proving them right! Smiles smiles! The next step was to search a house or PG or hostel. I had been following it up people through advertisements in the intranet about the accommodation. Some of the places were near my office, so I dialed in those numbers to ask if I can come and see the place. Well to be honest the way I was directed the place, I couldn’t even locate them. I have heard jokes about Delhites that they can never tell “easiest way” to reach the place. People here couldn’t suggest me “any way” by which I could reach the place. Nevermind!I realized it may be because the people living in these PG/hostels also didn’t belong to Bangalore , hence were not able to help me out in reaching the right place.

Next day I talked to a landlord lady, who was very much from this place, but couldn’t again tell me “Any way” leave apart the “easiest way” to reach the place. Finally I struggled to plot a PG using the navigator in my mobile to search the place. The search was for an hour, which actually was just five minutes away from my original location, had I used the navigator before.

Lesson # 2: I need to learn to use the navigators in mobile to locate a place, than relying on the suggestions of people. Technology works better here in this city of angels!


After I managed to search the PG, my roomies and friends whom I made just now in the adjacent room were shocked to hear the fact that I had been with Wipro for more than two years, as they calculated my age with that and all of them started calling me “Didi”.’uuhhh’ Next day when I was in office, a gang of guys giggling came and told me upfront “we got to hear that you have joined from Wipro Delhi and have been working since last two years”. I politely smiled “yes” knowing who the source could be. The question immediately after that was “what have you studied?” I replied politely again “I have completed my MBA”, to which one more person asked “correspondence?”, now I was frustrated with the series of question and replied with a question mark in my tone, wondering why they want to know “regular”. Suddenly one of them blurted out “didi hain, chalo yaar”. I was left amused and all I could do was smile wondering they could have directly asked my age! Huh! Since that day, almost all my team mates have been introducing me as “This is Sharanya di, who has recently joined our team”.

Lesson #3: Age is a comparative factor. If you are among the young crowd, then you are old and vice versa. According to comparative factor, I feel I have grown old in this city of angels!



I preferred to stay in a place which is full of north Indians. I often wondered on my identity crisis issues, if I should call myself a south Indian being an Iyer or call myself a north Indian for having born and brought up in Delhi. When it came to choosing a place to live, I preferred to stay where all the people from north lived because of few reasons- I preferred north Indian food over south Indian, I loved Shahrukh khan movies, so wanted a roommate who would watch the Hindi channels in TV. Last but not the least people from south might go back to their homes which is close by during weekends and I really didn’t want to spend the weekends getting bored by sharing room with south Indian girls. However when I was at work, there were so many south Indians that I had to reveal that I am a Tamilian in order to make them all my friends. As long as changing my identity between a north Indian and south Indian is doing good to me, I don’t mind doing that. On a Sunday evening a friend of mine took me to a famous tea Shop called “Ginger” and since that day I am a regular customer there. Friend’s friends are all your friends in this unknown world. My friend’s roomies asked me “where are you from?”……now I struggled ‘Aaarrr…what do I say? ’I am at a tea shop, although my love for filter coffee is no less than the tea and I finally replied “I am from Delhi”

Lesson # 4: Be a roman in Rome! :-) !Be an angel in this city of Angels! lol

More lessons to come! Would keep updating my blogs!

A place of angels!

All these years in corporate life if I have learnt anything, then that were to control my thoughts, not to shout back at wrong things. I had learnt to think ten times before I say anything and read hundred times before I write anything. I have unlearnt the wrong lessons.


After a month of running, I got the tickets in my hand when fear suddenly hit me. A realization of what I have done. I wondered why I took this decision and was wondering if the decision was right or wrong. But I was too late and I knew there was no going back. But finally I was sure of something, I was sure that I was going away from a place which I call my home.

As I waited for the flight I recollected the reasons why I decided to relocate. Since my management days I strongly believed that change is the only constant. I was implementing it practically in my life. Well that reminds me of my physics and chemistry practical exams in school and graduation days where I always looked forward to my twin or my best friend to get me passed in the exams as I really feared practical exams.

I reached the place of angels- Bangalore. I had no one, I had no expectation and I had nothing to look forward to. I just had one thing in mind, I am going to learn something new, and would learn to face some new challenges in life. Had lot of difficulties, but at every difficult moment an angel or few angels came into my life, making those moments easier.

I smiled at everyone and greeted whoever came my way. I talked to all strangers, but never ever I feared. I enjoyed the hustle and bustle, the running around and I was lost in the run.

At last I sit absorbing the emptiness around. I am tired. I saw emptiness around.

The world sees the person in me, who I am not. I succeeded in what I wanted to do. I created an identity of mine, which I am not. I don’t bother of what impression others are making about me, I just want to be happy, so am I. All I say today is “bhawnao ko control mat karo, behne do!kaho jo kehna hai” smiling at my own self “look who’s talking this”.

The world sees me happy, so am I .I don’t think anymore, than to live just another day which I have been given by the god. This place angels of made me realize if god is going to give a problem, and if I had the courage to face it, god would send the angels to make me face the difficulties also.

So here I am waiting for the biggest problem of my life without any fear, to get the best angel from god :-)

Acknowledge Please!

I saw an acknowledgment card on my table for some admission documents I had sent long back. Wondered there were days when people would look forward for acknowledgement for the post or courier they would have sent. For that matter even these days, when we send a message, we wait for the delivery report, which is a form of acknowledgement.

However, in today’s time we receive acknowledgement more often for something that has not been done, than for what’s actually done. Listing few points which came to my mind from the daily life which are not acknowledge when they have been done, rather are acknowledged only when it is not done.

·         When the house cleaner do not come, we scold her the next day, but we she comes regularly, do we ever acknowledge her?
·         Don’t complete your work one day in office, you would definitely get the response from boss, but had you completed it , you may not receive the acknowledgement for the same               
·         Leave your home unclean, and dare if you don’t receive an acknowledgement  from your wife or parents
·         Have your even acknowledged the fact that your mom or wife cooks every day? Let them not do it for a day and you would definitely ask for the reason
·         Do we ever acknowledge sun for shining right on time? But if it doesn’t, we do wonder
·         We do crib if the boss is not good, but have we ever acknowledged them if they are good?
·         Cab comes late and we land up shouting at the driver, but all the times when they come on time, do we ever acknowledge them?
·         When children don’t score good marks, we acknowledge them, but are that same when they score really well?
·         When we have electricity supply throughout at our home , we would be happy, but even for an hour if it is not there during the peak summers, we thank the people concerned :-)
·         You get a gift on your birthday from your beloved, that's usual. But if you don’t receive, it is a point to be acknowledged.

Ironically, wiki defines acknowledgement as “a statement of gratitude for assistance in producing a work”. Shouldn’t it be reverse “a statement of gratitude for not assisting in a work?”

We take lot of things in life for obvious. Things has to happen, according to us, which when doesn’t happen, we feel the difference, however in reality it’s the other way round.

Documents required for choosing the life partner!

Came across a very unique thought today. When we have to join a college, or join/change a job, or when we have to go to a new country, there are so many mandatory requirements that one has to meet and many documents that we have to produce. I started surfing on net with the thought in mind when I got to see the following things. Well the list is not exhaustive; it’s just a collection from various websites and links. So I have made an inter comparison of mandatory requirements for selecting the life partners and documents that we usually get to see.  There are certain details which are mentioned/required for selecting the life partner, but not for job or education.

Mandatory Requirements

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
You must be a citizen of India	Preferably not a resident of India, but any foreign nation
Minimum 50 percentages in graduation and post graduation, from the reputed institutes, in few PSU’s, while recruitment, names of the institutes are also specified.	People just know engineers, doctors and CA by profession. There is nothing like passion which people consider with which person has selected his career.  Even in case of engineers and doctors, name of the institute is rarely known, if at we know, percentage and scores are never known. However girls who have studied abroad are definitely preferred, who cares if they paid and went there or after getting scholarship? Those who would have struggled to make it to best Indian college and institutes are secondary.
Minimum 17 years of education	If it is 15, as long as you are earning well, I don’t care.
Minimum work experience of 5 years in a well reputed multinational company whose turnover is minimum one million	We know work experience, but we hardly get to know the previous companies Girls working are also a problem ,as the ego of guys and his family would clash and non working are also not preferred, as most of them wouldn’t be highly read, none of the girl well read would prefer to sit at home and be a home maker.
Number of attempts to write an exam is also fixed. For example to become an IAS, if you belong to the “Open Category” you can give the exam 4 times maximum!	Marriage has only one and final attempt.
Candidates should not have been arrested, convicted or prosecuted on criminal charges.	No clue unless , one commits on their own
·         Medical standards o        Height o        Weight o        Eye sight 6/6, without glasses	Although not up to the standards, yet by looking at person the following could be judged.

Skills required

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
Leadership skills	Mandate when it comes to a marriage, but how can we judge the same?
Self motivator to take up responsibility
Communication skills
Pro activeness in generating new ideas

Qualifying exams for various exams (providing score of the following)

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
TOFEL	No exam or interview for the individual. Only society’s reference is required. Develop your PR skills and you are through it. And make an excellent profile in matrimonial sites.
GRE
CAT
CDSE
GMAT
XSAT
Any other exam(please specify)

To be bought on the day of the interview or the first meet in case of the matrimony

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective things that’s are bought are
Statement of purpose	All that is bought is fruits, sweets, clothes for the entire families, jewellary from both sides, and girl as well the guy. Followed by a big lunch in which people just land up eating and the concerns are lost.
Original certificate of 10th for date of birth verification
Original mark sheet of 10+2
Original mark sheets of graduation and post graduation
Identity proof including passport , driving license
Character certificate from school/college
Referral  contact details	Only the following criteria is met because of the relatives who come to attend the functions of ROKA or to see the girl/guy

To be submitted before joining / wedding day activities

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
Joinee should be on time to the venue to attend the induction.	Entire families would be present than just the girl and the guy .time of arrival would be few weeks prior to the date of the wedding. Besides All this is required is arrangement of caterer, hall booking, transport arrangements to reach the venue, vaidyaar mama has to be present.
Medical checkup certificate post the medical checkup by the specified hospitals (eye sight and height weights proofs also to be submitted)	That would be the biggest offence to ask for any such thing.  We don’t mean to offend anyone, but let’s try to start a life with the truthful note, irrespective of the fact that girl has to disclose or the guy.
Attested Address proof (permanent and temporary )	Only we go to visit the guy or girls home and see, but we don’t know if it’s a rented flat or their own home. They may claim it’s our own house, but do we ever check the papers? It’s applicable for both guys and girls. When it comes to guy owning a house, yes it’s in his name, but they would never talk about the loan which he would be paying for the same. The girl also has a contribution as she is forgoing something to repay the loan, but “the house would be in guys’ name”. But ironically a girl can’t own a house itself. Off late I fumed up when I got to know a bank doesn’t offer a joint loan to mother daughter or two sisters won’t be offered loan. Indian legal system itself is still biased.
Attested Employment proofs (Current Employer) o        Appointment letter & Last two months pay slips   o        Resignation Acceptance o        Relieving letter	Half of the times salaries mentioned in matrimony sites are like what companies mentions as total earning capacity, which would be actually double of what individual is going to earn. No one mentions the actually in hand salary. Girls if earning less, then she is commented that your salary won’t be enough to buy nappies for the kids. If girls earn more, guys feel why at all should they work? And entire family runs or depends on her salary.
Attested Employment proofs (Previous 2 Employers) o        Appointment letter & two months pay slips  o        Resignation & Relieving Letter	We don’t even know who previous employers were; leave apart the documents to be asked.

Documents required for obtaining a VISA or post wedding issues could be resolved if the following are considered. Why a country wants to know the following before a person enters his/her country is to avoid any kind of issues post that and that it doesn’t hamper the pride and image of an organization.

For Job/ Education	From matrimony perspective
6 Months Valid Passport from the Date of Travel with the old Passport if any.	All I can put here is big smiley. I don’t have any rights on bank statements before the wedding. What do one has to do with property of the other individual? What has one got to do with the saving of the other, we will do post the wedding, and you can’t question me on that. I have a nick name to call you, whatever your name is, doesn’t matter to me.
Last 6 Months Bank Statements
Last 3 Years Income Tax Returns Acknowledgement
Property Papers
Saving Certificate
Legal name change documents required

Role of society in our lives

 

I recently came across a term called “Society”. That led me to think why we do everything in the name of the society, what role does it have in our lives? Is our perception about the society correct?

Society (assuming it to be the family and friends) came to see the child when it was born, but it was the parents who saw the child taking his or her first step, walking on its own.

When the child was one year old, the society would come to attend the birthday, but it was the parents, who struggled to bring up the children and so would they in future.

As the child grew older, on the day of the results the society came rushing to ask “How much marks have you scored in your board exams?”, but it was the parents who were awake all night, throughout the year to see their child study and would work day long at office to provide the kids with all the facilities.

Society came to ask “which engineering, medical college have you joined?”, but the parents would help the children identify their goals and potential to make them successful in their career and life. It is not a one minute game, but process of years to achieve the goals.

Society comes to ask me “where have you got placed, and what is the package (package referring to the salary)?” but it the parents who support financially and mentally during the years of our study to let us be in the position where we are today.

Now the real societal pressure begins for the parents and their children. In any social occasions they go, they would ask “Aren’t you getting your children married, I know a girl / boy, would forward the horoscopes to you.”  Parents just don’t want to catch hold of any girl or the boy to get their children married but they want to search someone with whom they can be happy.

Assuming that parents finally were able to identify the partner for their kids, Society would come to the wedding, eat, pass few comments, asking the above mentioned questions to others and leave. The parents would have spent lakhs and lakhs of rupees to get their children married, and it would be only the parents who would see their children grow in life after the wedding and not the society.

Then again the children are going to have their kids, when the society would come again for their birth, and the cycle of the societal domination begins for the next generation ……..

However the reality is that at some point of time, we also become the part of this society, even after being the victim of this society. We often forget what has happened with us, or assume that it could never happen to us.

We are all living at the mercy of the society in the name of “socializing with people”. Someone has to stop and show to society, we do not live for showing it off to you, but for our own self.

The day we die, society would definitely come to mourn the death, give their precious comments, ‘oh he was such a gentle man’, or ‘she was such a good lady’, but they may not even know, how we have lived our lives.

Whenever we take a decision , we should ask our own self “am I doing because I am going to be happy, or I want to show off to the society?” and we would never take a wrong decision in our  life.