We used to meet once in an year during our college days, I had a habit of looking at his mobile, flipping the messages, photos and ring tones and once his wall paper was a photo of some girl and I freaked out asking “ oye kaun hai yeh?” He said “ Shreya” and with swollen face I said “ hhmmmm” and put back the mobile and kept thinking and then finally I couldn’t resist and asked “ is that your girlfriend in the mobile wallpaper?” he grinned and replied “ Tamil heroine hai”.
I was waiting at the Delhi airport for him. He called and said ship has arrived at Mumbai port and I reached Delhi airport even before he could board his flight from Mumbai to Delhi.
I stood there waiting, when he called and said “ shona just three more hours, I will be there with you”. I replied “ I am already waiting at airport” and we hung up.
As I was waiting I was reminded of the day, when he called and said “ I have cleared the interview for marine engineer, they want me to sign a bond of four years involving few trips and start my journey next week. I said, “Can we meet and talk?” I knew if we would talk more over the phone, it would land up to a fight.
We met at GIP, pind balluchi, I reached directly from office and was in formals. He was somewhere near Noida as a part of marketing cum sales job, so managed to squeeze in time and meet there.
We ordered for food, rather we don’t need to order, the service people would automatically bring, as we had been there for so many times that they would know what we usually order. I was working on the laptop while he kept looking outside the window and when food arrived, I shut it and we started having food. So I started “ haan abhi batao”. He knew I would start and so I did, after all we met to discuss the topic.
He said “ kya bataun? Wohi bataya na, cleared the interview, bas aur kya?” I said, “ so what have you decided?” he looked at me with shock “ decide ka kya hai? I told you pehle hi I am giving interview for interview experience”. Somewhere at heart, we both knew, it was great necessity for him to get a better job. He wanted because he was not satisfied in the current and I wanted because my parents wouldn’t want me to get married to a person in fieldwork profile. Well marine engineer would not be preferred too, because I remember when my parents were looking out for a guy for my sister, if some one would say guy is marine engineer, would you look for your daughter? My mom would immediately say “No”. I also would be part of it and make fun “haan wohh 6 mahine ship pe hoga, tab yeh tumhari jaan khaegi, rehne do”.
Coming back to reality I was harsh but I said “ I hope you realize what you are earning now is too less, and after marriage , no families would be supporting us monetarily” . He looked at me asking “so? You want me to live away from you, just because we need to earn well?” I was blank and replied “I can live without you, for few years , if its for our better future” . He sighed and again looked out of the glass window and said “ theek hai , kal I ll go and sign the bond, I bet you will regret for having said this”…..we planned to meet next day and decide the plans for next week for his packing and all.
He lived there six months, without any communications, or very few. I focused on my career and worked harder to save money and studied further to keep myself occupied. Every now and then parents wanted me to see and a guy and he had said before leaving “don’t revolt and see if you like some one, because living life with a marine engineer would not be easy” and I had shouted “you are mad, I don’t want you to go, so that I can marry someone else and settle, its for our future, you are going to join”.
But I had to see guys and would cry day and night, thinking how do I handle things and answer to my parents “no” and state what reasons. Finally the first six months was over and he had come back. We talked to both are families; we had saved in money that we could do a decent wedding, without troubling our parents. But wedding plans had taken away the entire six months and we got married, 10 days before his next journey. We got married and we got involved in packing and planning for things required for next 6 months. Still I didn’t realize anything. I had convinced families that I would live these six months at my parents place though it was hard to convince, and finally today I was waiting for him, regretting why at all I told him to go and join as a “marine engineer”.
So here I was, now for the first time, going to live a life of married women. I had dressed up, as he would like me to. I was wearing a simple dull shaded, white suit, kurta with small blue flowered prints, with the chain (which we south Indian girls have to wear after marriage) and a watch he had gifted me on our wedding. When I saw him coming, I realized he had grown up. He looked mature than I had seen him last. He gave a tight hug and said “ you are looking pretty as ever.” I was broken and almost crying and whispered “ I missed you” but his voice was strong and clear “ I missed you too”. I didn’t want to show my weakness and made fun of him “mera motu , smart lagne laga hai”.
While he was driving, (well he had so much of ego that he cant let me drive when I am sitting right next to him) I knew this, and may be it was for this ego that I fell in love with him. And as ever, I found his mobile in my hands, so I started looking at it. It had a photo of mine, of my college days, which he used to love. I looked at him, he laughed “ kya dekh rahi hai?” I showed the picture to him and asked “ in this your girlfriend in the mobile wallpaper?”……………
I regretted my decision as he had said, but I learnt one thing, there is no turning back in life. I can change the things of future but not the past decision. I decided to be happy with the decision I took for us and live the moments, which I get with him and after all it was for our better future.
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
What should i do?
I stood there near the reading window of mine, in my golden Saree, looking at the silver moon shining in the sky. Moon was my best friend. I spoke it, I hated, I fought with it, and I wrote blogs on it. I used to look at it when I was alone.
As I was looking at it, I went back to the memory of the day, when I was talking to him and he said, “I am in the 9th floor of the flat, looking out of the French window”. He said, “it’s raining and moon is looking so pretty, playing hide and seek with the clouds”. As usual I cribbed, “I am sitting inside office, and I can’t go out and all windows have been sheeted and so many people around that I can’t see the moon, don’t irritate me”. He used to love the tantrums I threw and said, “Let me suggest something”. I knew it would be one of the bad ideas of the earth that he can come up with. He said “go and look at yourself in the mirror”. I was quiet, and didn’t understand what he said, took time to recall and understand, as I didn’t expect something like this from him.
There was a knock at the door. I looked out and it was Vishal standing there, with the modest smile on his face as ever. I looked at him and smiled back. Vishal knew my nerves and would have understood I was thinking about him. He knew I loved talking about him also. So he asked me “thinking about him”. I could feel the lump in my throat. I was controlling my tears hard and nodded saying, “Yes”. I looked up at him and said, “main is rishte ko sachai ki buniyaad pe shuru karna chahti hun”. He didn’t say anything, came near me and we both stood near the window watching the moon. He said “ your fiancé got fierce at the thought of you going out with dinner with me, and you think he would be able to take up this talk on your relationship? What is it that you want to tell him? There was guy in your life, who had hurt you so much, because of his problems and so you got the courage to face all difficulties? Don’t give me all this crap Riya; he moved back, come on wind up, everyone is waiting for you downstairs.” I couldn’t speak yet I spoke “you are right. Wooh bhi yehi kehta ta, jhoot bolna galat hai, par chupana nahi.He fumed up at this when he heard me saying Wooh bhi yehi kehta tha. He shouted “Will you stop this!!!!!!!, he hardly cares about you, if he would have, aaj who hota neeche, tumhara intazaar karte hue”. I looked at him and tears were falling down my cheek.
Yes today is my D-day. My death day. I hated this institution of marriages and that too an arranged marriage. I wasn’t over of the nightmares of such things that I was forced to do one. Vishal my best friend knew everything. He knew he would have to face all this as well.
He came near me and said “you know what? You are looking like an angel, and it’s not you who is the loser, but he. You must be one of those lucky people to get a person like Nitin as a life-partner. Nitin is a very good guy”. “Importantly you parents would be happy, look at the happiness in their eyes, that's what you always wanted right?”.
With tears falling I nodded “Yes, you are right", bringing back the smile, laughed saying "let me get back to my positivity syndrome.” As soon as we both turned back to go and join others in wedding hall, I was frozen to death when I saw Nitin standing right at the door. I wanted to clutch Vishal’s hand fiercely as I am used, when I am terribly scared and realized I have committed some mistake. I didn’t because I knew Nitin Hated that.
I didn’t say anything, but my dearest friend Vishal, must give credit to his courage to break the silence, said, “So all set, shall we go downstairs? And by the way yaar tu yeh bata bachelors party kab dega?” I tried bringing smile on my face. But Nitin’s face was cold without any response which otherwise is very expressive. Nitin replied cold, I want to talk to her alone for a moment Vishal. Vishal looked at me and winked, and said All right and tried joking "I will listen with my ears at the door". I felt Nitin was insulting Vishal, wanted to say, Vishal knows everything about me, more than you, what privacy are you wanting, but like a drunk person, mind was thinking everything but was not able to implement my responses. And I absolutely knew Vishal would even hear from door, if he felt that was necessary. He was crazy. And that was what had made us so good friends. He loved my craziness and I loved his stupidity.
All of a sudden, don’t know what Nitin felt, he said, “ in fact Vishal, there is nothing to hide from you, so I guess it is better you should be here along with us.” I felt very confused what is that this guy is wanting at this last minute of the hour? I hated last minute things in important things. Nitin said loudly, ever more loudly I have heard of him. He said “Let me introduce you to my friend Ritesh. Ritesh please come in.”. I stood there numb; looking from Nitin to Ritesh. I didn’t know what to say. I knew Vishal wouldn’t say anything. He knew I talked about my past, but he never knew his name was Ritesh and have never seen him either.
Nitin broke the silence this time, you guys were talking about him few minutes back and looked at me and asked “why are you silent now?” Ritesh was staring at me, with his eyes almost red, I knew he would have been drunk the days before, had he been aware of my wedding. I didn’t inform him though. Vishal looked at me confused. I said “its him Vishal”. I don’t know what he felt, he moved out of the room.
Tears started falling down my cheek. Didn’t know what to say. I knew my parents would disown me, if this marriage stops. I had hidden this secret from Nitin not because I wanted to hide, but I felt that was right to do. I turned my back to window and started crying loudly confused.
Suddenly someone came in front of me and tried moving my hands from my face. I looked up crying and it was Nitin. I broke out “ Nitin, I wanted to tell you everything, but !!!!” He brought his hands and wiping tears said, “ I am sorry”. I was confused thinking I should be the one saying sorry, replied “Nitin don’t embarrass me by saying sorry”. He replied “ I read your diary that day when I was waiting for you at your office reception, kept in your bag. I was looking for a novel which you usually keep and caught a glimpse of it, and couldn’t resist reading”. He went on “I knew why you have hidden everything and I know you truly love me as well your parents.” Why Ritesh is here is not because you love him, but I know what it means to see ones beloved getting married to someone else. I wish I had the courage to stop Preeti, my first love, my life from getting married. I wish I had the courage to go and tell her parents, I loved her and wanted to marry her, I couldn’t Riya and we both lost our love. She moved on, I tried hard, and I am still trying. When you came in my life, I thought life has given me all what I wanted, but deep within my heart I regretted for having lost my first love”.
I broke out crying wondering why ever did Nitin hide this from me? I would have helped him prove him wrong or may be my respect for him would have increased or may be, that would have given me an opportunity to tell something about me, which I otherwise hesitant about. Probably then I realized that we both waited for other to say something.
I sat on the bed and besides me stood the two people I loved the most…………
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
As I was looking at it, I went back to the memory of the day, when I was talking to him and he said, “I am in the 9th floor of the flat, looking out of the French window”. He said, “it’s raining and moon is looking so pretty, playing hide and seek with the clouds”. As usual I cribbed, “I am sitting inside office, and I can’t go out and all windows have been sheeted and so many people around that I can’t see the moon, don’t irritate me”. He used to love the tantrums I threw and said, “Let me suggest something”. I knew it would be one of the bad ideas of the earth that he can come up with. He said “go and look at yourself in the mirror”. I was quiet, and didn’t understand what he said, took time to recall and understand, as I didn’t expect something like this from him.
There was a knock at the door. I looked out and it was Vishal standing there, with the modest smile on his face as ever. I looked at him and smiled back. Vishal knew my nerves and would have understood I was thinking about him. He knew I loved talking about him also. So he asked me “thinking about him”. I could feel the lump in my throat. I was controlling my tears hard and nodded saying, “Yes”. I looked up at him and said, “main is rishte ko sachai ki buniyaad pe shuru karna chahti hun”. He didn’t say anything, came near me and we both stood near the window watching the moon. He said “ your fiancé got fierce at the thought of you going out with dinner with me, and you think he would be able to take up this talk on your relationship? What is it that you want to tell him? There was guy in your life, who had hurt you so much, because of his problems and so you got the courage to face all difficulties? Don’t give me all this crap Riya; he moved back, come on wind up, everyone is waiting for you downstairs.” I couldn’t speak yet I spoke “you are right. Wooh bhi yehi kehta ta, jhoot bolna galat hai, par chupana nahi.He fumed up at this when he heard me saying Wooh bhi yehi kehta tha. He shouted “Will you stop this!!!!!!!, he hardly cares about you, if he would have, aaj who hota neeche, tumhara intazaar karte hue”. I looked at him and tears were falling down my cheek.
Yes today is my D-day. My death day. I hated this institution of marriages and that too an arranged marriage. I wasn’t over of the nightmares of such things that I was forced to do one. Vishal my best friend knew everything. He knew he would have to face all this as well.
He came near me and said “you know what? You are looking like an angel, and it’s not you who is the loser, but he. You must be one of those lucky people to get a person like Nitin as a life-partner. Nitin is a very good guy”. “Importantly you parents would be happy, look at the happiness in their eyes, that's what you always wanted right?”.
With tears falling I nodded “Yes, you are right", bringing back the smile, laughed saying "let me get back to my positivity syndrome.” As soon as we both turned back to go and join others in wedding hall, I was frozen to death when I saw Nitin standing right at the door. I wanted to clutch Vishal’s hand fiercely as I am used, when I am terribly scared and realized I have committed some mistake. I didn’t because I knew Nitin Hated that.
I didn’t say anything, but my dearest friend Vishal, must give credit to his courage to break the silence, said, “So all set, shall we go downstairs? And by the way yaar tu yeh bata bachelors party kab dega?” I tried bringing smile on my face. But Nitin’s face was cold without any response which otherwise is very expressive. Nitin replied cold, I want to talk to her alone for a moment Vishal. Vishal looked at me and winked, and said All right and tried joking "I will listen with my ears at the door". I felt Nitin was insulting Vishal, wanted to say, Vishal knows everything about me, more than you, what privacy are you wanting, but like a drunk person, mind was thinking everything but was not able to implement my responses. And I absolutely knew Vishal would even hear from door, if he felt that was necessary. He was crazy. And that was what had made us so good friends. He loved my craziness and I loved his stupidity.
All of a sudden, don’t know what Nitin felt, he said, “ in fact Vishal, there is nothing to hide from you, so I guess it is better you should be here along with us.” I felt very confused what is that this guy is wanting at this last minute of the hour? I hated last minute things in important things. Nitin said loudly, ever more loudly I have heard of him. He said “Let me introduce you to my friend Ritesh. Ritesh please come in.”. I stood there numb; looking from Nitin to Ritesh. I didn’t know what to say. I knew Vishal wouldn’t say anything. He knew I talked about my past, but he never knew his name was Ritesh and have never seen him either.
Nitin broke the silence this time, you guys were talking about him few minutes back and looked at me and asked “why are you silent now?” Ritesh was staring at me, with his eyes almost red, I knew he would have been drunk the days before, had he been aware of my wedding. I didn’t inform him though. Vishal looked at me confused. I said “its him Vishal”. I don’t know what he felt, he moved out of the room.
Tears started falling down my cheek. Didn’t know what to say. I knew my parents would disown me, if this marriage stops. I had hidden this secret from Nitin not because I wanted to hide, but I felt that was right to do. I turned my back to window and started crying loudly confused.
Suddenly someone came in front of me and tried moving my hands from my face. I looked up crying and it was Nitin. I broke out “ Nitin, I wanted to tell you everything, but !!!!” He brought his hands and wiping tears said, “ I am sorry”. I was confused thinking I should be the one saying sorry, replied “Nitin don’t embarrass me by saying sorry”. He replied “ I read your diary that day when I was waiting for you at your office reception, kept in your bag. I was looking for a novel which you usually keep and caught a glimpse of it, and couldn’t resist reading”. He went on “I knew why you have hidden everything and I know you truly love me as well your parents.” Why Ritesh is here is not because you love him, but I know what it means to see ones beloved getting married to someone else. I wish I had the courage to stop Preeti, my first love, my life from getting married. I wish I had the courage to go and tell her parents, I loved her and wanted to marry her, I couldn’t Riya and we both lost our love. She moved on, I tried hard, and I am still trying. When you came in my life, I thought life has given me all what I wanted, but deep within my heart I regretted for having lost my first love”.
I broke out crying wondering why ever did Nitin hide this from me? I would have helped him prove him wrong or may be my respect for him would have increased or may be, that would have given me an opportunity to tell something about me, which I otherwise hesitant about. Probably then I realized that we both waited for other to say something.
I sat on the bed and besides me stood the two people I loved the most…………
Note: The story is purely imaginative and any resemblance to any person or incident is fictions.
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