Aaj cafeteria me baat karte karte kuch energied feeling aayi. May be because of the coffee I had, or the pastry. Me n Lavanya are so crazy that we get high on a chai of India gate, or crushes of KFC. Ab yeh to coffee Tha. I got high, and topic we were earlier discussing throughout the day with friends and family was also unique. Will come to the topic later, but when high, what came across my mind was the dialogue from “Rang de Basanti” movie. By god we were crazy about the movie and siddharth and kunal during that time. I was more fascinated by the cool dialogue of siddharth. And being in university, the movie based on university is like a life time opportunity as one could clearly relate to it and enjoy.
Coming back the dialogue I remembered “is duniya me do(two) tarah ke log hote hain-ek jo hota hai hone do aur dusre, use badlne ki zimmedari uthao” and the topic of discussion today was arranged marriage versus love marriage. Comparing the dialogue and the following. People who opt for arranged marriage are the one-jo hota hai hone do. And abe aaye who special category – ussse badlane ki zimmedari uthao.
It is a usual thought that those who do love marriages are the happiest lot of the people. But I guess those who have done may not agree to the point as it is often difficult opting for a love marriage than an arrange marriage.
Have tried to draw comparison between arranged marriage (AM) versus love marriage (LM). Ab aaj kal wooh zamana kahan hai , jab kehte the, miya biwi raazi to kya karega kazi???kazi is not just one but in hundread’s and kya karega nahi , wohi sab karte hain, lets c the role played by the “Kazi”
Pre – marriage scene
1.In an AM you talk (with the guy/girl) with permission and in LM, you are never granted permission to talk (to parents), as it is never a talk but an argument.
2.In AM it is the headache of the parents to handle everything, in LM, it is our headache to handle everything
3.In AM the guy and the girl have all right to throw tantrums and to threaten, that I don’t like this, we don’t like that, in LM it’s the parents who throw tantrums and threatens us back.
4.In AM their respective friends are invited and are asked to give moral support to the girl or the guy, in LM, unhe bhi joote padte hain, all this happened because you were with this girl/guy (the friends). Everyone forgets, even if they wouldn’t have been there, this would have happened.
5.In AM , if guy and the girl likes each other, and yet the misunderstanding happens within the family, they have an ultimate option to elope, in LM, if family happens to like each other and between guy and girl misunderstanding happens (as the families which unlikingly like each other) because communication that travels through the couple and not the family, option to elope is not possible(miya biwi hi razi nahi ab to) ;-))
Humne badle ki zimmedari uthayi hai, ab realize hua, gaye the duniya ko badlne ,khudko badlne ki zimmedari uthali.
During the marriage
1.The uninvited, yet invited attendees in the marriages comments will be like this in the two cases.in AM “Dikhne me acha nahi hai ladka/ladki, par gun ache honge, tabhi hui na shad(however bad the guy or the girl may look)i”, in LM “kya soch ke karte hain shadi, dikhne me tak acha/achi nahi hai(however beautiful the guy and the girl will look)”. Kissi ne in logon se comment maanga tha????nahiii….
2.In AM, the guy and the girl look their best and in LM, guy and the girl look the worst of what they would have been during their life because of tension, ki bas shadi khatam ho and that’s it.
3.Taali yeriyachu(shadi khatam, mangalsutra pehna diya, fere bhi ho gaye). In AM girl’s mother and the family cries, in LM the guy’s mother and the family cries. Self explanatory.
4.Khana-an integral part of every marriage-In AM, usually it is optimum as the number of invitees is equal to number of attendees. In LM guaranteed shortage. As number of attendees is always the double of number of invitees. Agal bagal me sab padosiyon ko le jaate hain, pata hai mrs iyer/gupta ji ki beta/beti ne love maariage kiya hai, chalna shadi me , dekhen to sahi kaise hoti hai.lol
5.Finally time to go home(katti sadam mootai/Vidayi), in AM , it’s the girl and girl’s family again is crying as our daughter has become someone else’s, in LM no one cries, the girl goes back to place where she works, the guy will fly back to US, and the respective families go back where they live, mind it , all the places are usually different.
Humne badle ki zimmedari uthayi hai, ab realize hua, chale the shadi ka concept badle, yahan to post shadi concept bhi badalna pada. Yet we are fine till the time we are happy, and we are living apart.
Post – marriage scene
1.In AM only for one year after the marriage couple live with the guy’s family and in alone for the rest of the life, in LM, one year couple live alone, both of them also alone and then later,they land up living with the guy’s family as their schedules are so hectic that someone has to take care of kids.
2.In AM couple love each other after the marriage and in LM couple fight as they have already loved before the marriage
3.In AM , before the marriage , guy never compromises and after , he always compromises, in LM both compromise before the marriage and none compromise after the marriage
4.In AM, live happily because life is like how life should be, but in LM, life is all in mess, so ab life ko badlne ki zimmedari uthao, and with loads of difficulty they finally are settled in life like how it’s with the people in AM
5.Finally in both cases kids are like their parents, in AM , jo hota hai hone do, so kids and the parents are happy, in LM too kids are like their parents , par ab bachon ko badalne ki zimmedari uthao!;-)
In which category do you fall? Jo hota hai hone doge?ya badlne ki zimmedari uthaoge?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
What will happen at the most????
It was fine morning and as usual mom didn’t allow us to study till late night as she would always want us to finish studying two days before the exams! So was this time!the borad exam of my life, god the terror that’s created at the name of board exam. I was terrified too. I slept early, but I can never get up early however early I sleep, but today was the day of terror, I couldn’t sleep. I got up early, 4th march 2003. I guess I watched cricket match between India and Pakistan the day before, and India had won, although I am not very much interested in cricket but that match was worth watching. I got up and only sound was mom working from kitchen. I got up and went straight to kitchen and hugged her, she was really scared and turned back, I said mumma mujhe neend nahi aa rahi hai!if it would have been any other day, she would have slapped me back to have scared her, but she was also equally nervous as I was or rather we were. Double danger mom had to face, both have to perform well, even one doesn’t means no happiness for our family, unlike others! It was cold day, mom made tea, and we both were sitting in out garden, talking nothing and just one thing she said “ at the most kya hoga, soch? I replied, “ I wont perform well in my exams” mind it I meant I wont perform well, as I knew I would pass because of the effort mom had put to teach us history, I was really bad at it”. And then I started cycling in my gym cycle for about half and hour to activate my sleeping mind or to control my temper.
And today after 7 years, I got up nervous and went to kitchen, mom was not there, but I could hear the flights in the sky, was wondering I once wanted to be a Air force Pilot and was wondering every child wants to be a Pilot for the fascination towards flying high in the sky, then I looked at birds, once I also wanted to have wings like birds to compete with the planes in the sky. But all I knew was I wanted to fly. Yes I am flying because of the butterflies in my stomach. A special friend had got a special tea; I made that thinking that would help to stop the butterflies from flying.
I wanted to talk to mom, but didn’t really feel like creating unnecessary tension for her, because of the distance and time that I can reach back to her was more, unlike three hours of the board exams. Well what I am going to do if I reveal, there are my colleagues in office who will laugh like the smiley we used to have on yahoo, falling and rolling on the ground (I should have made a warning statement, read the blog or talk to me about the blog when no one is around, in the beginning. lol), although most of them are aware of what I am going to do, as I kept asking them doubts time and again. I asked doubts about the discussion and things for today, whoever came on my way as I was taught during my MBA, ask what you want to know. I wanted to know a lot, I wanted a source of information to tell me what I am supposed to do next. I went back to that same question of mom “ at the most kya hoga?” I imagined the disasters that can happen with me, no phone works, the V-Con doesn’t work, no one turns up (I wish that happens, which wont), over all I can say a nightmare like the one I had in morning and got up with a shock. I was told whatever you do, do your homework, in my post graduation, I have done my homework, but the issue is with the people, would they have remembered to do their homework????? At the most kya hoga, I again asked myself, and I got the answer. I smiled, chal hone de disaster, I will do the head on collision with it, because even if that’s gonna happen I will be happy, because that’s the way god took out for me for the thing I couldn’t decide on my own for so long. Now guess what that “At the most thing ,could be on which I smiled?”
And today after 7 years, I got up nervous and went to kitchen, mom was not there, but I could hear the flights in the sky, was wondering I once wanted to be a Air force Pilot and was wondering every child wants to be a Pilot for the fascination towards flying high in the sky, then I looked at birds, once I also wanted to have wings like birds to compete with the planes in the sky. But all I knew was I wanted to fly. Yes I am flying because of the butterflies in my stomach. A special friend had got a special tea; I made that thinking that would help to stop the butterflies from flying.
I wanted to talk to mom, but didn’t really feel like creating unnecessary tension for her, because of the distance and time that I can reach back to her was more, unlike three hours of the board exams. Well what I am going to do if I reveal, there are my colleagues in office who will laugh like the smiley we used to have on yahoo, falling and rolling on the ground (I should have made a warning statement, read the blog or talk to me about the blog when no one is around, in the beginning. lol), although most of them are aware of what I am going to do, as I kept asking them doubts time and again. I asked doubts about the discussion and things for today, whoever came on my way as I was taught during my MBA, ask what you want to know. I wanted to know a lot, I wanted a source of information to tell me what I am supposed to do next. I went back to that same question of mom “ at the most kya hoga?” I imagined the disasters that can happen with me, no phone works, the V-Con doesn’t work, no one turns up (I wish that happens, which wont), over all I can say a nightmare like the one I had in morning and got up with a shock. I was told whatever you do, do your homework, in my post graduation, I have done my homework, but the issue is with the people, would they have remembered to do their homework????? At the most kya hoga, I again asked myself, and I got the answer. I smiled, chal hone de disaster, I will do the head on collision with it, because even if that’s gonna happen I will be happy, because that’s the way god took out for me for the thing I couldn’t decide on my own for so long. Now guess what that “At the most thing ,could be on which I smiled?”
Sunday, February 13, 2011
“Is love because of possessiveness or possessiveness because of love?”
Every day Lavanya and me would get up with sounds of birds fluttering in our balcony. When appa amma would be here, they would again and again open the balcony and flow them away so that we get to sleep few more hours. I used to get up, see mom dad doing that, smile and sleep back. Now that ma pa both are back to Delhi, we have got used to putting another pillow on our heads and sleep back.
A weekend started, and my sis as usual the cleanliness freak began her work, well would never do the cleaning alone, and all the members in the family present at home have to do. Unfortunately I am alone stuck as of now with her in our small one room apartment in Chennai. If it was Delhi, I would divide the rooms and scream I will do the ones allotted for me and you mind your own business and try hard shifting all my room kooda, not exactly kooda, but whatever things are not in place in my room, saying all these should be in yours.
Well not diverting, in Chennai, a fine Sunday morning, and she opens the curtains and says, uth ja shona, chal shuru ho ja. Shona only ones, next time all bad words would come out if I don’t get up. Today’s target was cleaning balcony, and balcony ka slab where the pigeon had given birth to the babies. We knew it because of the broken eggshells we saw one day on the floor. We left it because of sentiments; thinking let it grow big so that when it will fly away we will clean. It’s been long, so today was the special occasion of cleaning the balcony.
Lavanya climbs on chair and looks on the slab, again and again, then as usual, called mumma “amma kaise clean Karen?bohot hi zyada messy state me hai slab, darr lag raha hai , (because pigeons were still there)how do we do?” . As if amma appa are going to come immediately and help us do that, I wish it could happen. So now mom’s suggestion, call plumber or electrician and ask them to help. And as usual Lavanya will never do the outdoor work, and scream at me, “ ja Sharanya, and bring electrician”, badbate hue I have to go, coz I know I don’t have the option of saying a no.
We called up the electrician and cleaned everything, and left the two small pigeons alone and cleaned everything around it. By the time we had completed the cleaning activity, we were both completely exhausted and sat to take a break and mom calls again asking “ kya hua, called someone?clean kar diya?” and sis would narrate the entire story and then it strikes my mom , “you didn’t touch the pigeons na?” we were like no but why, then mom said if you would have touched it, the bigger ones will never feed it anymore or take it away!!!! Well there I am in my thoughts of this concept now! Lavi and me were like wahhh kya possessiveness hai?
Pigeons don’t allow anyone else even to touch their babies, you do and that’s it, it’s no more mine. I was taken into my own thoughts, human are no different. I thought what am I possessive about? No doubt about my family-includes only ma, pa and sis! What else? My room, my notice board at home, my friends, at least few, but the possessiveness is not so strong that I can’t share them with anyone, yes there are few.
I still remember when I was very young I was very attached to my grandma and when I got to know that she has cancer and she wouldn’t live long, I was shattered. From then ma would always teach me, you shouldn’t be so possessive about anyone or anythings that you cant live without them, yet grandma lived for almost 6 years after that and by that time, I was grown enough to understand, yet it was difficult for me.
I think I am confusing possessiveness with love. So now the question is “Is love because of possessiveness or possessiveness because of love?”
Let me analyse the case of pigeon. The pigeons wont touch their babies if the human would have done them, every mother loves the child, so is in the case of birds, but then if they love them, they shouldn’t leave them. So its love because of possessiveness because once they become some else, the possession is lost, and so is the love.
When it comes too human, I love something or some one, because I posses them, so I am being possessive about the same. So it’s the same love because of possessiveness.
But when I love something, I make sure that I get the same, and I possess them. Whether it’s books or friends, or my beanbag, so this can be said as possessiveness because of love. As I loved something, now I possess them- well I can say that’s because I am ziddi(pampered) too!!!
But as always I am still confused what to conclude? “Is love because of possessiveness or possessiveness because of love?”
A weekend started, and my sis as usual the cleanliness freak began her work, well would never do the cleaning alone, and all the members in the family present at home have to do. Unfortunately I am alone stuck as of now with her in our small one room apartment in Chennai. If it was Delhi, I would divide the rooms and scream I will do the ones allotted for me and you mind your own business and try hard shifting all my room kooda, not exactly kooda, but whatever things are not in place in my room, saying all these should be in yours.
Well not diverting, in Chennai, a fine Sunday morning, and she opens the curtains and says, uth ja shona, chal shuru ho ja. Shona only ones, next time all bad words would come out if I don’t get up. Today’s target was cleaning balcony, and balcony ka slab where the pigeon had given birth to the babies. We knew it because of the broken eggshells we saw one day on the floor. We left it because of sentiments; thinking let it grow big so that when it will fly away we will clean. It’s been long, so today was the special occasion of cleaning the balcony.
Lavanya climbs on chair and looks on the slab, again and again, then as usual, called mumma “amma kaise clean Karen?bohot hi zyada messy state me hai slab, darr lag raha hai , (because pigeons were still there)how do we do?” . As if amma appa are going to come immediately and help us do that, I wish it could happen. So now mom’s suggestion, call plumber or electrician and ask them to help. And as usual Lavanya will never do the outdoor work, and scream at me, “ ja Sharanya, and bring electrician”, badbate hue I have to go, coz I know I don’t have the option of saying a no.
We called up the electrician and cleaned everything, and left the two small pigeons alone and cleaned everything around it. By the time we had completed the cleaning activity, we were both completely exhausted and sat to take a break and mom calls again asking “ kya hua, called someone?clean kar diya?” and sis would narrate the entire story and then it strikes my mom , “you didn’t touch the pigeons na?” we were like no but why, then mom said if you would have touched it, the bigger ones will never feed it anymore or take it away!!!! Well there I am in my thoughts of this concept now! Lavi and me were like wahhh kya possessiveness hai?
Pigeons don’t allow anyone else even to touch their babies, you do and that’s it, it’s no more mine. I was taken into my own thoughts, human are no different. I thought what am I possessive about? No doubt about my family-includes only ma, pa and sis! What else? My room, my notice board at home, my friends, at least few, but the possessiveness is not so strong that I can’t share them with anyone, yes there are few.
I still remember when I was very young I was very attached to my grandma and when I got to know that she has cancer and she wouldn’t live long, I was shattered. From then ma would always teach me, you shouldn’t be so possessive about anyone or anythings that you cant live without them, yet grandma lived for almost 6 years after that and by that time, I was grown enough to understand, yet it was difficult for me.
I think I am confusing possessiveness with love. So now the question is “Is love because of possessiveness or possessiveness because of love?”
Let me analyse the case of pigeon. The pigeons wont touch their babies if the human would have done them, every mother loves the child, so is in the case of birds, but then if they love them, they shouldn’t leave them. So its love because of possessiveness because once they become some else, the possession is lost, and so is the love.
When it comes too human, I love something or some one, because I posses them, so I am being possessive about the same. So it’s the same love because of possessiveness.
But when I love something, I make sure that I get the same, and I possess them. Whether it’s books or friends, or my beanbag, so this can be said as possessiveness because of love. As I loved something, now I possess them- well I can say that’s because I am ziddi(pampered) too!!!
But as always I am still confused what to conclude? “Is love because of possessiveness or possessiveness because of love?”
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