Time to change!

As a kid, every year we would travel to my grandparents place in Coimbatore for summer vacations. It was always the train journey which would fascinate me. 2 days when I and my sister would jump across from one seat to another and I can say that’s the only time, when my parents never scolded us for being naughty. Then I didn’t know the reason, but today living away from family, I can say their excitement to meet their families, used to make them happy too. There were many instances, when some people who were Muslims would travel in the train and they would do prayers few times in a day. I don’t know why I was scared, but I would sit beside my parents scared, watching them pray. So as a kid I was always scared of Muslims.




Few days back I happen to attend a Muslim wedding.
I got an invite from a Muslim friend to attend his elder brother’s wedding. From the time I had seen “band baja barat” movie, I had been very excited to hear “kubul hai”.I asked my friend “kubul hai bolenege bhaiya?”, to which he said “he will say, but you girls can’t see because that event happens in mosque”. I was a little disappointed, but I was more concerned about the food, which is one of the major reasons why we go to weddings, at least I do. I asked him “vegetarian khana hoga na?”. He laughed at my naïve behavior and said “haan hoga ,nahi to tere liye special banwa dunga, aaja”. And that’s when I finally had agreed to go for the wedding.



As I observed the wedding, it was completely similar yet there were some dissimilarities. But certain good things, which do not happen in the Hindu weddings made me wonder. I wondered when we adopt western culture, why don’t we adopt something which is good in other Indian culture itself, from the Muslim culture.



There was simplicity in their way of living. Their wedding was equally simple as they were. In the end uncle (my friend’s father) asked us “Beta you all got bored because in our weddings, we don’t have dance music and all, unlike yours?” all I could say was “I admired the simple way in which the wedding was carried out”. It was more of a get together of the families and friends. It was then I realized simplicity has no boundaries of caste,custom and religion.



Their wedding was not a show off affair like our Hindu weddings. The point which proved that was there wasn’t any photographer. I was amused comparing the fact that my cousin brother asks me to wash my hands, to ensure his wedding album is not spoilt when I tell him to show that. I do make fun of him “ Bhai , I know tujhe tere bachon ko dikhana hai, par it is laminated, it won’t get dirty”. I completely admired the fact that in their culture they didn’t want a photo album to show to their generations. They set example by living and created new memories for them. Memories don’t have the boundaries of caste, customs or religions.



In Hindu culture we say “mehmaan bhagwan samaan hota hai”, but in the wedding they actually lived by that. The hospitality which we were provided cannot be put in words. I wondered if I had ever been so comfortable at any my closest relative place also. They ensured that we were comfortable and enjoyed, because we were their guest.



In hindu’s we often talk about “Vasudhaiv kutumbakam” which means the entire world is one family. I have heard this phrase many times in my life, but in reality got to see it for the very first time in my life in this wedding. The entire flat was celebrating the wedding. We could almost enter in any of their neighbor’s home to take rest or spend time. And we entered someone’s home, friend said “haan haan , apna ghar hai, you all can take rest”. Sometime later the actual owner of the house came and that’s when we realized it was their neighbor’s home and aunty started to make snacks for us. When we said “No, we don’t want”, she said “aise kaise? You are all our guest today”.



Contended were they all. In the evening Bhaiya who got married came in his casuals to the neighbor aunty’s home, asking “you guys not going out to see the place”. To which aunty said “aaj to kam se kam ghar ke kapde pehen ke mat reh, dulha kaun hai hi samajh nahi aayega”. Bhaiya only smiled at that and didn’t say anything. Their happiness was reflected in their contended nature unlike the Hindu culture where the wedding ceremonies itself goes on for days and days and that the bride and groom would get so tired that they would praying “When would all the drama get over?”.



The neighbor aunty made tea and we were all deciding where to go out when I got a call from a Punjabi friend saying “I am getting married in May, make sure you book your tickets and be here for all ceremonies.” I once had a fight with this same friend when I asked him why we all do such a show off wedding, to which he had just one answer “my parents have seen only one dream since I was a child, to see their son sitting on horse dressed up like a groom”. After asking him the details about the girl, I teased “Finally tu ghode pe chad ke lane ja raha apni dulhan ko?” and we both laughed.



The customs which had some relevance in olden days are meaningless today because of the development of the technology. Yet the dreams are the same, and people struggle to fulfill them. No one is ready to take the challenge to bring the change. But as it is said ‘change is the only constant’, things would change and when it would happen is something no one can answer. There is lot of good things that we need to adopt from other cultures.



In the evening, we went out to see the place. We were driving parallel to a railway track and a train went by. I remembered my days as a kid travelling in train, when I was scared of Muslim fellow passengers and I smiled wondering I was scared of people who were the angels of god!

Courage-o-meter!

When impossible becomes possible, we never can let it go. And I feel it requires a lot of courage to let something go, once achieved because there may be a chance that we regret for the decision taken which could have otherwise changed the life for better. Often are the times when mothers sacrifice their career to look after the kids, which requires a lot of courage. If you have achieved something impossible and left it for any reason it may be you get +3

I always used to take up the work given to me in my old team. And my team mates would scold me “Say you can’t, it’s not a part your work”. But my thought process was different at that point of time as every small thing would help me learn something. They would shout at me “learn to say no, else you would suffer badly”. And lately I realized it takes lot of courage to say a “no” than agreeing to do what I have been asked to do. Ever said a no? +2

It is far easier to fight against the parents for your love. And even easier it is to elope. But I feel it takes in lot of courage to sacrifice ones love, for respect and feelings of others, especially your parents. It requires lot of courage to leave apart the person you love, knowing that he or she loves you equally. If done , you get a +5

We all talk about people fighting and guarding the borders. But it is the family of those who are courageous, who get to sleep peacefully knowing that any day may bring the news that their sons have become the martyrs. Have you slept peacefully when your family fought the enemies , you get a +7

We are brought up in a world which is full of corruption and injustices happening all around. Fortunately or unfortunately we were brought up so bold that we could never tolerate injustice and fought for the right. Me and sis fought for one marks, if given less or extra. Well it wasn’t about one mark, it’s about the right that we learnt to fight for. There have been people who react “jo hota hai hone do”. Finally when we would fail to fight for right, my parents would say “ dusron ko to badal nahi sakte, khud ko hi badalna padega”. But all I know is one needs lot of courage to stand up against injustice however small or big the injustice may be. Fought for the right ever? Take a +3, assuming it to be the smallest injustice you have fought for. If you have never done one you get a 0

We have rose day , chocolate day , propose day but never is a day for confession where we actually go and confess to people what we want to do. It takes huge courage to go and confess truly what someone feels. Have your ever confessed? +5 please.

One of the most difficult times is to see your loved one suffering from some terminating illness. Someone whom we counted upon, someone with whom we saw dreams and when we know all those were momentary and soon there would be time, when we would have to see the dreams alone. We try to save the life of the dear one for every minute that we can. It may be very easy to put it in words but requires huge courage to face such moments in reality. Not measurable as one required huge courage!

I don’t know how far this is applicable in today generation for whom “love” is just another word. But I always felt it takes a huge courage to go and say “I love you”. And I remember the dialogue from a recent movie, ‘ladki ko nahi badal paaye to , ladki ko hi badal do’. Try it and your get a +2.


Recently in a conversation from some unknown person, he asked me “how do you differentiate between your career and job”. It was a completely informal discussion at a family function. To which I said “I may be wrong, but what my perception is ….” And said what I felt about the same. He smiled “you will go places”. I argued “how do you say that? Just because my definition matched your thoughts doesn’t mean that I am right”, to which he replied “it’s not your definition , but the line which you said “I may be wrong, because it takes lot of courage to accept ones mistakes, and I have seen people who don’t admit even after they commit a mistake”. I hate to boast about myself and so here I say “I lied all this and it was just an imaginary situation” lol. I just wanted to give a description where people claim I am “right” and all I say is “yes you are right, and I am wrong” +3 for saying I am wrong and you are right.

As I almost completed jotting down my random thoughts , my roommate entered with malpua and rabdi, and I jumped from my bed to eat and I realized it takes a lot of will power, courage and commitment to not to eat something you love when it is kept right in front of your eyes. +10 if you can ever do this.



What’s your courage-o-meter in the scale of 40?