Time to change!

As a kid, every year we would travel to my grandparents place in Coimbatore for summer vacations. It was always the train journey which would fascinate me. 2 days when I and my sister would jump across from one seat to another and I can say that’s the only time, when my parents never scolded us for being naughty. Then I didn’t know the reason, but today living away from family, I can say their excitement to meet their families, used to make them happy too. There were many instances, when some people who were Muslims would travel in the train and they would do prayers few times in a day. I don’t know why I was scared, but I would sit beside my parents scared, watching them pray. So as a kid I was always scared of Muslims.




Few days back I happen to attend a Muslim wedding.
I got an invite from a Muslim friend to attend his elder brother’s wedding. From the time I had seen “band baja barat” movie, I had been very excited to hear “kubul hai”.I asked my friend “kubul hai bolenege bhaiya?”, to which he said “he will say, but you girls can’t see because that event happens in mosque”. I was a little disappointed, but I was more concerned about the food, which is one of the major reasons why we go to weddings, at least I do. I asked him “vegetarian khana hoga na?”. He laughed at my naïve behavior and said “haan hoga ,nahi to tere liye special banwa dunga, aaja”. And that’s when I finally had agreed to go for the wedding.



As I observed the wedding, it was completely similar yet there were some dissimilarities. But certain good things, which do not happen in the Hindu weddings made me wonder. I wondered when we adopt western culture, why don’t we adopt something which is good in other Indian culture itself, from the Muslim culture.



There was simplicity in their way of living. Their wedding was equally simple as they were. In the end uncle (my friend’s father) asked us “Beta you all got bored because in our weddings, we don’t have dance music and all, unlike yours?” all I could say was “I admired the simple way in which the wedding was carried out”. It was more of a get together of the families and friends. It was then I realized simplicity has no boundaries of caste,custom and religion.



Their wedding was not a show off affair like our Hindu weddings. The point which proved that was there wasn’t any photographer. I was amused comparing the fact that my cousin brother asks me to wash my hands, to ensure his wedding album is not spoilt when I tell him to show that. I do make fun of him “ Bhai , I know tujhe tere bachon ko dikhana hai, par it is laminated, it won’t get dirty”. I completely admired the fact that in their culture they didn’t want a photo album to show to their generations. They set example by living and created new memories for them. Memories don’t have the boundaries of caste, customs or religions.



In Hindu culture we say “mehmaan bhagwan samaan hota hai”, but in the wedding they actually lived by that. The hospitality which we were provided cannot be put in words. I wondered if I had ever been so comfortable at any my closest relative place also. They ensured that we were comfortable and enjoyed, because we were their guest.



In hindu’s we often talk about “Vasudhaiv kutumbakam” which means the entire world is one family. I have heard this phrase many times in my life, but in reality got to see it for the very first time in my life in this wedding. The entire flat was celebrating the wedding. We could almost enter in any of their neighbor’s home to take rest or spend time. And we entered someone’s home, friend said “haan haan , apna ghar hai, you all can take rest”. Sometime later the actual owner of the house came and that’s when we realized it was their neighbor’s home and aunty started to make snacks for us. When we said “No, we don’t want”, she said “aise kaise? You are all our guest today”.



Contended were they all. In the evening Bhaiya who got married came in his casuals to the neighbor aunty’s home, asking “you guys not going out to see the place”. To which aunty said “aaj to kam se kam ghar ke kapde pehen ke mat reh, dulha kaun hai hi samajh nahi aayega”. Bhaiya only smiled at that and didn’t say anything. Their happiness was reflected in their contended nature unlike the Hindu culture where the wedding ceremonies itself goes on for days and days and that the bride and groom would get so tired that they would praying “When would all the drama get over?”.



The neighbor aunty made tea and we were all deciding where to go out when I got a call from a Punjabi friend saying “I am getting married in May, make sure you book your tickets and be here for all ceremonies.” I once had a fight with this same friend when I asked him why we all do such a show off wedding, to which he had just one answer “my parents have seen only one dream since I was a child, to see their son sitting on horse dressed up like a groom”. After asking him the details about the girl, I teased “Finally tu ghode pe chad ke lane ja raha apni dulhan ko?” and we both laughed.



The customs which had some relevance in olden days are meaningless today because of the development of the technology. Yet the dreams are the same, and people struggle to fulfill them. No one is ready to take the challenge to bring the change. But as it is said ‘change is the only constant’, things would change and when it would happen is something no one can answer. There is lot of good things that we need to adopt from other cultures.



In the evening, we went out to see the place. We were driving parallel to a railway track and a train went by. I remembered my days as a kid travelling in train, when I was scared of Muslim fellow passengers and I smiled wondering I was scared of people who were the angels of god!